Yu Zi Heng

CHAPTER 5:

28

“Shū Fēi has failed to manage the palace properly. Considering her many years of hard work, her merits and demerits cancel each other out. She will be punished with a year's salary deduction.”

As soon as the Empress Dowager's decree was issued, Xián Fēi conveniently ‘fell ill.’

Chén Xi was very puzzled, “Why doesn't Xián Fēi Niángniáng want to manage the palace?”

His face clearly read, “Is she stupid?”

Yōng mómó brought over warm goat's milk, one cup for me and one for Chén Xi. “The New Year is coming soon, and the palace is at its busiest. Taking over the management of the palace at this time, checking accounts, making purchases, changing the rules that Shū Fēi had in place, holding large and small banquets, the New Year gifts and rewards for the imperial relatives and noble families, everything, each one can strip a layer of skin off someone. What's more, Shū Fēi Niángniáng has been in the palace for all these years, and she has many loyal servants. If there are one or two who want to make things difficult, Niángniáng might even be demoted to a lower rank.”

Look! An old hand in the palace for decades is different. She saw at a glance that I had taken a hot potato.

“What can we do? Niángniáng, shall we pretend to be sick too?” Chén Xi used all his wit to come up with this idea.

Even Fu Bao was amused by his foolishness and turned her head to laugh.

Chén Xi was angry, “I'm only four years old! I haven't even started my education! Don't you bunch of educated people laugh at me!”

I set down my goat's milk and gently massaged my temples.

“Chén Xi, next time you encounter something and want to hide, Ben Gong won't want you anymore.”

I said this to Chén Xi with a smile, but Fu Bao and Yōng mómó didn't dare to laugh along.

Chén Xi looked at me, biting his lip in grievance, refusing to speak.

I waved the golden seal in front of Chén Xi's eyes, “Ben Gong dare to take this golden seal, that means Ben Gong dare to be the head of the palace.”

Chén Xi shook his head, his eyes red.

“Chén Xi, you're only good at being clever, coaxing people, and deceiving yourself. That doesn't make you strong. A truly strong person is someone who knows there's a mountain of swords and a sea of fire, but still dares to charge straight through it.”

“Come, Ben Gong will teach you how to charge through.”

29

When I was just brought back to the General's mansion by my uncle, my grandmother was still alive.

Grandmother was the kind of ‘good-hearted person’ who would worry about whether the mosquito that bit her was in pain, and I have no idea how she ended up with an uncle like mine, a chaotic figure who kept a harem and caused constant strife. Because of this, he was over thirty and still had no living children.

Grandmother would always advise me, saying that they could quarrel among themselves and that it had nothing to do with us. “Zi Heng, you be good, and Grandmother will give you some candy…”

Grandmother's candy was delicious, so I endured the noisy chaos of the harem for a while.

Later, when Grandmother fell seriously ill and my uncle still had no children, she held my hand before she died and said, “Zi Heng, your uncle has no children; you must take care of him in his old age! In his lifetime, he has lost his father, his wife, his brothers, and his mother. You are all he has left…”

Grandmother, who couldn't even bear to step on an ant, gripped my wrist so tightly before her death that it left a bruise.

How could such a good uncle be all alone? How could he be left to suffer in solitude?

I would not let him be lonely!

So, I would manage his harem, teach his women a lesson, and raise his sons! I didn't care what those people said behind my back or how they cursed me. I, Yu Zi Heng, would not live for jealous women or insatiable servants!

In the Yù family's treasury, a little girl wearing a blue gauze skirt and styled in a topknot walked in, holding an abacus…

In the palace's Internal Affairs Office, a woman dressed in purple court attire, wearing a red golden crown, entered holding a golden seal…

The faces of the little girl in blue and the woman in purple gradually overlapped, their brows revealing an undeniable sharpness.

Underneath, the palace servants, big and small, all knelt and bowed, saying, “Guì Pín Niángniáng, may you have good fortune!”

30

In the ninth year of Tiānshòu, on New Year's Eve, there was a grand banquet where the emperor and his ministers celebrated together.

I attended, dressed in my finest attire, with Chén Xi by my side.

Since taking charge of the palace, I had lost some weight. The dark blue ceremonial robe I used to wear, which fit perfectly, had to be altered to fit me, and even then, it hung loosely on me like a man's robe. I only wore a jade crown and a golden seal hanging from my waist, with no other adornments.

As soon as the Empress Dowager saw me, she praised me, “Good child, you must have been very busy lately. You've gotten so thin! Here, have this bowl of silver ear soup.”

A palace servant brought over the silver ear soup that the Empress Dowager had given me. I thanked her and quickly finished it in two gulps—the Empress Dowager really loves me. I haven't even had two sips of water all day for this broken banquet.

With the Empress Dowager showing me favor, the concubines below naturally started praising me as well.

“Such a comprehensive feast, it's amazing how Guì Pín Niángniáng thought of this!”

“They came to greet us from far outside the imperial city, and parking wasn't a problem at all!”

“The best part is choosing to hold the banquet by the water pavilion. The clouds, water, and moon shine together, it's wonderful, wonderful!”

Chén Xi held his little head high, as if the person being praised was him.

Shū Fēi's complexion was very bad. Her heavy makeup only highlighted her tired and aged features. After her punishment, she dared not adorn herself with jewels as she used to, but only wore a crown with enamel and coral, and her earrings were cherry-sized pearls. Even though Shū Fēi was trying to be as plain as possible, she was still much more dazzling than Xián Fēi, who always seemed to be dressed in mourning.

After I finished going through the accounts, cleaned out the palace servants, and cut off Shū Fēi's remaining claws, Xián Fēi quickly ‘recovered’ from her illness and came in a sedan chair to share the golden seal with me. However, after only five days, Shū Fēi found evidence that she had secretly exchanged tribute items and reported it to the emperor. Xián Fēi immediately ‘fell ill’ again. This illness lasted until New Year's Eve. Hey, isn't it a coincidence that she just happened to get better!

It must be my banquet that cured her.

Halfway through the banquet, it was getting late, and it was time for the fireworks outside. I supported the Empress Dowager and held Chén Xi's hand, following everyone outside.

The other concubines all tried to squeeze next to the emperor. Imagine, the fireworks explode, the emperor looks at the fireworks, then looks at you beside him, and you are like the fireworks, exploding in the emperor's heart…

Well…

That's the idea, right? Everyone understands, right?

But just as I found a good spot and was about to pick Chén Xi up to watch the fireworks, the Empress Dowager grabbed me—that's right, she grabbed me by the collar of my robe, like a butcher grabbing a pig—and she lifted me up and placed me next to the emperor, breaking through the blockade of Wèi Zhàoyí and Shū Fēi, and put my hand into the emperor's hand.

The emperor was stunned.

I was stunned.

We both stood stiffly.

Bang—

The fireworks exploded.

The emperor's face turned red, then yellow, then blue, then purple…

The emperor wanted to say something to relieve the awkwardness. He thought for a moment, “Your… hair, is it naturally curly?”

Me: “Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

Not far away, Chén Xi looked at me, pounding his chest and stamping his feet, with a look of anger and disappointment. He and his grandmother were like two peas in a pod.

The emperor: “Perhaps, tonight…”

“I'm… feeling unwell.”

“Oh.” 

Empress Dowager, please come and carry me away!

31

After the New Year, a batch of surplus palace personnel were sent home, leaving the palace quieter than before. The Empress Dowager officially proposed expanding the harem.

Shū Fēi and Wèi Zhàoyí were fuming with rage, even Shú Pín and Xián Fēi, who hadn't slept with the emperor in years, were deeply troubled.

The various noble families were already eager and ready to go, ordering jewelry and clothes, and contacting palace tutors who had been dismissed—as soon as the Empress Dowager mentioned this, the price of gold in the capital rose by 20%.

The Empress Dowager asked me to find a reason for the ladies of the various families to bring their daughters into the palace. It was now the end of winter, and the beginning of spring had not yet arrived. The palace was bare and there wasn't much to see, so I simply arranged a ‘Floating Poetry’ banquet in the warm pavilion. The ladies of the various families enjoyed small dishes and drinks, and their daughters were as beautiful as a hundred flowers in bloom, a feast for the eyes.

An artist captured this scene in a painting, and the next day it was delivered to the emperor's desk.

The emperor's lips almost stretched to his ears. He even ‘reprimanded’ me, “You're following Empress mother's mischief too!”

While saying this, he looked at the women in the painting, “This one in green is not bad…”

“The third daughter of the Jìn family, sixteen years old, her mother is the Princess of Xiánkāng.”

“Who's the one next to the Empress Dowager?”

“The niece of the Duchess of Shòu's family, Yīn Shì. The Yīn family has declined, she grew up in Shòu Palace.”

“This one with the curly hair…”

“The eldest daughter of the Hé Dōng Liǔ family.”

“Your niece…”

What? Not allowed? “My cousin's daughter.”

The emperor asked again, “Who is this girl in the moon-white dress?”

“This one won't do. She is the daughter of the former Governor of Qióngzhōu.”

“Why not?”

I took a deep breath, calming myself down from the urge to scold him, “The Governor of Qióngzhōu was impeached before the New Year, and now he is under house arrest. Sending a daughter into the palace at this time reveals his intentions. If everyone follows this example, it will harm Your Majesty's reputation.”

The emperor's expression changed slightly—perhaps he suddenly thought of Shú Pín—when Níng Sānniáng entered the palace, her father, Níng Lǎotóu, was still a criminal. Now, the Níng family children have all returned to the Six Ministries.

The Níng family's business was truly a good deal.

“You… are bold!”

Bold? Does the emperor really think that Níng Sānniáng, the talented scholar of the Jiang Dōng region, was attracted to the emperor's mediocre poetry and volunteered to enter the palace as his concubine?

How could he be more confident than me?

“This servant has wronged Your Majesty.”

The Emperor wanted to continue scolding, but he couldn't find any good reason to do so. I put so much effort into organizing this feast for him to choose a concubine. I didn't even want the ones who weren't beautiful or intelligent, and he's still making demands on me?

“Humph!” The emperor flicked his sleeve again and stormed off angrily.

I told the eunuch to put away the scroll and go back to report to the Empress Dowager.

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