Yu Zi Heng

Chapter 13:

67

The Emperor and I fasted for two days, and finally, a light drizzle fell in the north.

He was already pale with hunger and immediately demanded food.

When the dishes were served, he was about to cry—four dishes and one soup, three vegetarian and one meat—he had never been treated so poorly!

I calmly picked up a piece of greens and placed it in the Emperor's bowl, “Think of the people, Your Majesty. I really can't eat, and I wouldn't dare waste food. How is it, Your Majesty? Do you want some more?”

“…. No!”

The Emperor went to Qiwu Palace to reminisce about his late Empress.

This time, I was determined to make him unhappy.

I also went to Qiwu Palace.

He saw me and reacted like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, “What are you doing here? This is Zhi Niang's place, you're not allowed here!”

I looked around and found that it was indeed as luxurious as Ying Man had said, identical to the Emperor's sleeping quarters.

“Your Majesty, I'm just curious, what kind of person was the late Empress?”

“I've told you, Zhi Niang was a thousand times better than you.”

I nodded, “Your Majesty, I heard from the palace servants that she was skilled in everything—playing the qin, chess, calligraphy, and painting. She was also a master at tea ceremony and flower arranging. And she was kind to everyone, always smiling. She was a lovely person—but Your Majesty, how could such a good girl go mad after marrying you?”

“What are you talking about! You dare!”

I found a chair and sat down, “The world isn't fair to women. I'm a woman myself, so I understand this deeply. How many good girls are bright and beautiful before marriage, but become withered after they marry? Isn't it said in the storybooks that unmarried girls are pearls, but married ones become fish with dead eyes? You see, whether a woman is good or not, most of the time, she doesn't have control over her own fate. It depends on who she marries and what kind of marriage she has.”

“So, that's why I ask, why did such a good late Empress go mad after marrying you?”

The Emperor was stunned by my question.

He didn't care about most of the women in the harem because they could be replaced, but the late Empress was the first woman he loved, and she was his wife, different from the others.

Jìn Guìfēi, in a way, had fulfilled his ideal image of an Empress, so he treated her as someone special.

But if he loved her so much, why did she still go mad?

Was he not good enough for her?

Why did every woman he truly cared for end up badly? The late Empress went mad, Jìn Guìfēi was deposed.

They were all good girls before entering the palace.

68

The Emperor didn't answer my question. Instead, overnight, I noticed a few more strands of white hair on his head.

He was too ashamed to admit that someone else had hurt his beloved woman.

I was prepared. If he said it, I would mock him, have it recorded in the Emperor's daily records, and let future generations laugh at him with me.

I also asked the Chen brothers, who had returned from the spring hunt, and the other children from the Imperial Study.

Chen Yuan, remembering the late Empress, said, “I wouldn't let a woman I loved be unhappy. If she was unhappy, if she wasn't well, it means I wasn't good enough, and I also made her worse.”

Chen Yang was puzzled, “If I liked someone, how could they be unhappy?”

Chen Xi was the most dashing, “If she was unhappy because of me, even if it was heartbreaking, I'd let her go.”

Han Ran said dejectedly, “I'll try not to get involved with girls anymore. Most likely, a good girl entering the Han family will end up a widow.”

Yu Zi Chen was very troubled, “But it's not entirely the fault of men, you know. A man as excellent as me naturally puts pressure on girls.”

Jiang Changsheng thought for a moment, “I'll give her a three-courtyard mansion in the capital. That's sure to please her!”

I found it amusing. They were all shorter than me, yet they were all prepared to be tormented by love.

Chen Xi asked me, “Mother, what do you think?”

Six pairs of eyes looked at me expectantly, hoping for an answer.

But matters of the heart don't really have an answer.

“What I think? I think you should all study hard, so you can earn a higher salary when you grow up, enough to support the women you like!”

“But Mother, do you really think it's Emperor Father's fault?” Chen Yang's small eyes held a big question.

“You must remember this: When everything you have doesn't match your abilities, the more you have, the more dangerous it becomes. This applies to men and women alike. So, you can have desires, but don't be greedy. You are princes, scions of noble families, born with so much. You must always examine yourselves, whether you are worthy of all this.”

69

Shortly after, Ting Tong gave birth to the Fifth Prince, Chen Jian, and Chen Xu Jia was already able to walk with support.

Chen Yang disliked him intensely. Every time he came to my palace, he would make him cry.

I snatched Chen Xu Jia from Chen Yang's clutches. Chen Yang lowered his head, feeling guilty.

“Chen Yang, I don't talk to you often.”

“Mother, I'm wrong…”

“What did you do wrong?”

“I shouldn't have teased the Fourth Brother.”

I took Chen Yang's hand and made him sit cross-legged with me on the sheepskin rug I had specially laid out for Chen Xu Jia to play on. “You are his brother too. Why don't you tell me, what kind of person do you want Chen Xu Jia to become when he grows up?”

“Anything, as long as he's not like his mother.”

“What's wrong with Jìn Guìfēi?”

“She was extravagant and heartless. She killed my older sister!”

“That makes sense. So, we can't let Chen Xu Jia become like that, right?”

“Of course not!”

“I see that you, the Second Prince, are very worried about Xu Jia's future. That's good. That's what a big brother should be like. How about this? From now on, you come here every day after school and play with Xu Jia for half an hour. He's always close to you, and he'll definitely grow up to be a good person.”

“I…”

I solemnly placed Xu Jia in Chen Yang's arms, “What kind of person Xu Jia becomes when he grows up is all up to you!”

Yu Zi Chen, when he found out about this, laughed until tears came out of his eyes, “Hahahahahaha, Big Brother was tricked by Sister back then too. He changed diapers for Second Brother and Third Brother for half a year, hahahahaha!”

Later, the Emperor came to see Xu Jia and discovered that the Imperial Study kids were all gathered around Chen Yang, watching him change Xu Jia's diaper.

The Emperor, sipping tea that I had personally brewed, was utterly baffled, “I suddenly realize that I don't know my sons at all.”

In fact, you couldn't care less about them!

“Thank you.”

I almost dropped my teacup.

“I've thought about the question you asked me that time. Maybe… I'm not a good husband, not a good father, not a good son.”

The Emperor chuckled wryly, “Release Chen Yuan's mother from the cold palace and give her proper accommodations. If the Empress Dowager asks, say it was my order.”

The Emperor set down his teacup and left silently.

70

Time flew by.

First, my uncle's old wounds flared up. This time, even after searching for the best doctors in the land, there was nothing that could be done. His illness was incurable.

Before he passed, I went to see him. He was still laughing and joking with us, “What are you crying about? When you die, you're just dust, when you don't die, you live forever. Eighteen years later, you'll be a new man! Hahaha!”

I laughed through my tears. That's our Yu family's general, the elder brother of the Duke of Chongwen!

Yu Zi Yu took over the military command and led his two younger brothers to guard the border. Before they left, they came to bid farewell. I gave Yu Zi Yu the jade ruyi the late Emperor had bestowed upon the Yu family.

“Sister, I'm guarding the border, guarding you.”

Shen Ying also left, the same year as my uncle, his old wounds also flared up. They were truly brothers in arms.

Before he left, he chose a wife for Shen Duo. She was a good girl, no faults that I could find.

Shen Duo quietly married.

Thinking back, the fire at Shuyue Residence was the last time we spoke, and in the end, I didn't even look at him.

In the nineteenth year of Tianshou, the Empress Dowager passed away.

She called me to her bedside. Her face was completely withered and aged, like flower petals that had lost their last bit of color.

“Empress… Zi Heng… I'm sorry! I… I'm sorry…”

I held her hand and listened quietly.

“The late Emperor was good to me… but I wasn't a good wife… I was selfish… Chen Lie… you've been through so much these years… In the next life… I'll make it up to you…”

I said, “You were a good Empress Dowager. Even the late Emperor would praise you.”

“I'm old… I'm ugly… I… I have nothing good about me except my face…”

“No, you're beautiful, even when you're old, you're beautiful.”

The Empress Dowager looked at me, as if searching for her fearless younger self. We were so similar, the only difference being that she was able to be with the one she loved, while I was not.

But in the end, I was never going to be with the one I loved.

There are so many beautiful things in the world, it's okay to miss one or two.

After the Empress Dowager passed, the Emperor aged suddenly.

I had said that no one can have a perfect life. If everything in life is smooth sailing, it means someone is taking the burden for you.

The Empress Dowager was gone, and no one was taking the burden for the Emperor anymore.

He wanted to establish a crown prince. Chen Yuan, Chen Yang, Chen Xi, all three were under consideration.

He asked me, “Who do you favor?”

Chen Yuan, accompanied by his mother, left the palace to establish his own household and married a princess. He became a handsome prince. He was very good to his princess, a girl with two dimples who smiled beautifully.

Chen Yang and Chen Xi also graduated from the Imperial Study and began taking on official duties.

Chen Xu Jia, with his younger brothers, studied hard at the Imperial Study, suddenly becoming the oldest child there. He was still getting used to it.

But he also inherited the fine traditions of his brothers, bringing his siblings and companions back to my palace for meals every now and then.

All the children were good, but there could only be one crown prince.

“Let Your Majesty decide.”

“Yu Zi Heng, I'm asking you to help me.”

“Chen Yuan.”

“Why not Chen Xi? He's the one you love the most.”

“So, he can go out and see how vast the world is, how brilliant the stars are.”

The Emperor suddenly smiled, a very childish smile, like when Chen Xu Jia was teasing Ying Man.

“I’d rather you not be happy!”

The Emperor waved his hand, establishing Chen Xi as crown prince.

In the twenty-first year of Tianshou, Chen Lie passed away.

Chen Xi ascended the throne, posthumously bestowing the title of Holy Mother Empress Dowager on the deceased Wèi Zhàoyí, and I became Empress Dowager.

I completed my period of mourning for Chen Lie and, with Ting Tong, now elevated to Shú Fēi, and Fu Bao, who still hadn't married, left the palace under the guise of a pilgrimage.

As Chen Xi had said when he was young, if I wasn't happy, even if he was reluctant, he wouldn't keep me.

Thankfully, he had grown up. He had his brothers and Ying Man inside the palace, and Han Ran, Yu Zi Chen, and Jiang Changsheng outside. I would go back to see him every now and then, so he wouldn't be completely alone.

……

“Zi Heng, guess what I brought?”

Ting Tong was dressed in a plain kirin robe, wearing a veil hat, disguised as a man. She pulled out a painting from the bundle behind her.

The painting depicted a lone figure walking through the starry night, but it looked more like her—it wasn't the one she painted when she was thirteen.

“It's beautiful. Who painted it? Where did you get it?” Fu Bao asked.

“I painted it overnight. Thankfully, I still have the skills.”

“Good.”

Ahead, the road was winding and endless. Beside me, my dearest friend.

This journey through life was worthwhile!

-The End-

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