My Darling, Coax Me.
CHAPTER 98: Xiao Qibai x Xie Jinjia 4 - Xie Jinjia, I Can't Marry You.
Xie Jinjia left Xiao's residence. As she did, she saw the little girl, Ru Dong, crouching by the wall playing with pebbles. Seeing her emerge, Ru Dong happily ran over. “Princess! You're finally out!”
She had been worried sick.
She was afraid that the Princess would be caught trespassing in Xiao's residence, further damaging her already tarnished reputation.
“What could possibly happen to this Princess? I'm out now, aren't I?” Xie Jinjia said, feigning nonchalance.
Not only was she out, but Xiao Qibai had even sent a discreet guard to escort her back to the Palace.
Casting a reluctant glance at the tall, imposing gate, Xie Jinjia turned. “Let's go.”
To get him to accept the jade, she had promised she wouldn't bother him again.
She might be headstrong, but she had to keep her word.
From now on, Xiao Qibai could belong to the entire world, but he could never be hers, Xie Jinjia's.
Wiping away the tears that welled up in her eyes, Xie Jinjia walked forward. “Let's go, back to the Palace.”
……
Back in the Palace, she found her mother waiting for her.
Seeing her return, Yu Fei's meticulously maintained brows furrowed slightly. “You went out of the Palace to see Xiao Qibai again, didn't you? Didn't I tell you not to leave the Palace without permission?”
She turned to Ru Dong. “If you disobey me again, your little maid—”
“Mother,” Xie Jinjia stepped in front of Ru Dong. “It's not Ru Dong's fault. I insisted on going; she couldn't stop me. She left the Palace with me to protect me.”
“You…” Yu Fei sighed, too tired to reprimand Ru Dong further, and then complained, “What's so great about Xiao Qibai that you, a Princess, have to go see him again and again?”
“I wanted to go, so it's my own business,” Xie Jinjia mumbled. “It has nothing to do with him.”
Besides, he wasn't just some ordinary Xiao Qibai. He was the one and only Xiao Qibai in the world.
“Don't let Uncle pressure him anymore. He doesn't like me; what's the use of forcing him?”
It would only make him hate her more.
“And I won't force him either, Mother. Please stop.”
Yu Fei hadn't expected her daughter to know. Seeing Xie Jinjia's dejected state, she couldn't help but say,
“Silly child, you are the most precious Princess of the Great Jin Dynasty. Even your elder sisters can choose their husbands as they please. Much less you? A mere Xiao Qibai—if you want him, he doesn't have the right to refuse, and he can't choose. Mother has reached this position; there's no reason why you can't have the husband you want!”
“Yes,” the elderly lady-in-waiting beside Yu Fei chimed in. “Princess, why be so sad? If the Princess truly likes him, Your Highness can simply ask the Emperor to grant the marriage. The Xiao family wouldn't dare refuse.”
“Your Highness is above all; whatever you want, you should get.”
The lady-in-waiting's words echoed in her ears.
Since childhood, that's what they had told her. And Xie Jinjia had grown accustomed to it.
But this time, those words grated on her ears.
Just because she liked someone, could she disregard his wishes and take whatever she wanted? Could she ignore his feelings?
But, but it shouldn't be like this.
“Stop it!” Xie Jinjia suddenly shouted. “I said I won't force him; I don't want him to hate me!”
“Mother, if you pressure him again, then I, I…” After a moment's thought, Xie Jinjia declared solemnly, “Then I'll cut my hair and become a nun. I'm serious.”
Then, taking Ru Dong with her, she left.
Watching Xie Jinjia's resolute back, Yu Fei frowned. “This child…”
The lady-in-waiting said, “Should we pressure the Xiao residence again?”
“No need,” Yu Fei shook her head.
She understood her daughter and knew how serious she was about what she had just said.
She had done all this for her daughter's happiness. If Jinjia wasn't happy, what was the point of all her efforts?
Let her be.
……
Xie Jinjia returned to her sleeping quarters. After a bath and a change of clothes, she went to bed.
Ru Dong didn't know what to say.
Nanny Jin summoned her to report on what had happened during the Princess's outing and why she had returned so dejected.
Ru Dong shook her head. “I only waited outside; I don't know what happened inside.”
Nanny Jin: “Did the Princess see Lord Xiao?”
“She must have.”
Seeing him must have caused her distress. And the Princess's jade was gone; she must have given it to Lord Xiao. That removes the Princess's only reason for seeking him out.
Xie Jinjia indeed had no reason to seek Xiao Qibai again, and she had promised not to bother him anymore.
The sun rose and set, spring turned to summer, and another year passed.
Xie Jinjia was in the imperial garden, kicking shuttlecocks with Ru Dong, Qingzhu, and the other maids. At first, she could only manage a few kicks before dropping it, making her quite disheartened. Fortunately, the maids weren't much better, which offered her some small comfort.
The more she played, the smoother her kicks became.
“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…” Ru Dong counted for her, her voice growing increasingly enthusiastic.
“Fifty-two!”
Ru Dong cheered, running over. “Princess, you're amazing! You kicked it fifty-two times!”
“Of course! Don't you know who this Princess is?” Xie Jinjia lifted her chin proudly. The warm sunlight shone down, illuminating even the sweat on her smooth, fair forehead.
Wiping the sweat with a handkerchief, Xie Jinjia happily prepared for another round when two delicate voices drifted over.
The voices sounded familiar, and she caught snippets of their conversation.
The Empress had summoned several noble young ladies to the Palace today, seemingly to choose a consort for the Seventh Prince.
Xie Jinjia wasn't interested in the gossip of these noble ladies and was about to turn away when she faintly heard the words “Lord Xiao.”
Her steps stopped, her body stiffening. It felt like a very, very long time since she had heard his name.
Though it had only been about half a year.
Since she promised not to bother him again, Xie Jinjia forced herself to stop paying attention to him. How could she let go if she kept watching?
But even so, when she heard his name again, she couldn't help but stop.
After a moment of hesitation, Xie Jinjia dropped her shuttlecock and stealthily followed the two noble ladies, hoping to eavesdrop on what they were saying about Xiao Qibai.
Could it be that they also liked Xiao Qibai? The thought flashed through her mind, and Xie Jinjia immediately deflated. Of course they did. Countless noble young ladies in the entire Capital City wanted to marry him; it was impossible to count them all.
“Sister Li excels in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. And she's the Empress's niece. The position of the Seventh Prince's consort is undoubtedly hers.”
Li Feifei covered her mouth and chuckled. “Sister, you flatter me. The Empress hasn't decided yet; nothing is certain. It's a pity for you, though.”
The noble lady beside Li Feifei said, “The Seventh Prince didn't choose me; I'm not good enough. By the way, Sister Li, do you know when Lord Xiao Qibai will marry?”
Li Feifei: “Oh? My sister has her heart set on Lord Xiao?"
Yang Yi blushed, hastily shaking her head. “No, no, it's my older sister, not me. Lord Xiao is outstanding and elegant; I simply admire him.”
Seeing Yang Yi's demeanor, Li Feifei didn't bother to expose her, but she curled her lips in disdain. “The Yang family is also a prominent and wealthy family in the Capital. Why would your sister like Xiao Qibai? The Xiao family is just an empty shell now, only having a reputation. Lord Xiao may seem outstanding, but I heard that his career isn't going well; he's looking for a high-ranking family to marry into to climb the social ladder.”
“Ah? No way?” Yang Yi couldn't believe that the perfect Lord Xiao in her heart would be such an ambitious person. She doubted it. “Lord Xiao shouldn't be like that…”
“A gentleman on the surface, a villain behind the scenes.” Li Feifei sneered.
Not just her, many people in the Capital thought so. Only someone as naive as Yang Yi would hold him in such high regard, like a pure and untainted alpine snow lotus.
“These people from declining families pretend to be modest and calm gentlemen, but their minds are the most cunning; they'll do anything for power and glory—”
Before Li Feifei could finish, someone rushed out from somewhere, so fast that their figure was a blur, and then slap! A heavy hand landed on her face.
“Ah!” Li Feifei screamed, covering her face. “Who, who dared to hit me? I'm the Empress's niece!”
Xie Jinjia stood before her, hands on her hips. “This Princess hit you. How do you feel?”
A bright red handprint was visible on Li Feifei's face, showing the force of the slap. But even so, she didn't dare to act rashly; she lowered her head along with Yang Yi, and curtsied. “We greet Princess Chang Le. May the Princess be well.”
Xie Jinjia said to Yang Yi, “You, get up.”
She deliberately didn't tell Li Feifei to rise, clearly targeting her. Li Feifei's face turned red and white.
She thought resentfully, this foolish Princess must have gone mad to suddenly pick a fight with her. Then she realized it was probably because she had just spoken ill of Xiao Qibai.
In this Capital City, everyone knows this foolish Princess likes Xiao Qibai. Unfortunately, Xiao Qibai doesn't care for her at all.
A Princess making such a scene is simply ridiculous. How incredibly stupid.
“Princess, I was invited to the Palace by the Empress. It's improper for you to punish me without reason. How will you explain this to the Empress?” Li Feifei said.
She didn't believe that this foolish Princess would dare openly admit she hit her to defend Xiao Qibai. That would be incredibly embarrassing. And she was the Empress's niece; would Princess Chang Le really dare punish her?
Indeed, Li Feifei heard a surprised voice from above. “What? You were invited to the Palace by my Imperial Mother?”
Li Feifei just managed a slight curl of her lip before hearing Xie Jinjia's cold laughter. “So what?”
“I'm a princess. I hit you because I wanted to. What reason do you need?”
Li Feifei: “You—”
Then Xie Jinjia leaned into Li Feifei's ear. “If I hear you talking nonsense again, I'll hit you every time I see you.”
Xie Jinjia left after issuing her warning, not giving Li Feifei any time to retort.
Ru Dong praised her effusively. “Princess, you were so amazing just now! Li Feifei was no match for you.”
“Right?” Praised like this, Xie Jinjia immediately lifted her chin proudly, smiling. Then she thought, how dare anyone talk badly about him behind his back! Unacceptable.
Next time she catches them, she'll punish them severely. She'll see if they dare to talk nonsense again.
After a moment of triumph, Xie Jinjia's expression fell. But it seemed that was all she could do.
Since their parting at the Xiao residence, she hadn't seen him again. As long as she didn't take the initiative, perhaps they would never see each other again.
Even though she missed him terribly.
She picked up a stone from the ground and listlessly tossed it into the lake, creating ripples on the surface of the water.
She could protect him, couldn't she? Why didn't he like her?
After throwing several stones, Xie Jinjia forced herself to distract herself, to stop thinking about it. She asked Ru Dong, “By the way, why haven't you gone to see your sister?”
Ru Dong replied glumly, “Sister won't let me.”
“Why?”
Ru Dong shook her head. “I don't know, but Sister always does what's best for me.”
Xie Jinjia nodded. She always knew Ru Dong listened to her older sister. Xie Jinjia admired Ru Dong's sister; she served Xie Jue in the Cold Palace. All the other maids who served her cruel sixth brother had died, leaving only her.
Xie Jinjia found it hard to believe that any maid could survive serving her sixth brother. It showed just how extraordinary Ru Dong's sister was.
“But I heard that Sister was injured in the Cold Palace,” Ru Dong seemed to be mumbling to herself. “I really want to take medicine to Sister.”
Xie Jinjia had also heard some rumors, but it seemed that her sixth brother's condition in the Cold Palace wasn't good; he was seriously ill and might not have much time left. The Emperor had recently granted him special permission to leave the Cold Palace to pay respects to the late Empress Zhaohui.
She wouldn't restrict the little maid. Ru Dong was more of a playmate than a servant; they got along well, and the girl only listened to her and Nanny Jin.
“Mother doesn't want me to interfere in Sixth Brother's affairs,” Xie Jinjia pondered for a moment, then took a token from her waistband. “Here, take this. If you want to do something, those people won't dare to make things difficult for you if they see this Princess's token.”
Ru Dong took the token, tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you, Princess. Your kindness is immeasurable; Dongdong will repay you for the rest of her life.”
“It's nothing,” Xie Jinjia waved her hand. “Just listen to me from now on, and accompany me everywhere in the future.”
“Yes, yes, Dongdong will definitely listen to the Princess and accompany you wherever you go.” Ru Dong said with a sweet smile.
This girl.
Xie Jinjia suddenly felt her image had grown taller. But she didn't expect, not long after, that the little girl who played and laughed with her, who promised to always listen to her, would lie on the ground, covered in wounds, brutally murdered. (T/N: Damn author, don't make me sad again. ๐ญ)
It was an ordinary day. Xie Jinjia went to her mother's place; after half a year of confinement, her mother finally allowed her to leave the Palace. She was soon to turn fifteen, and her mother knew she would have little freedom after that, so she no longer restricted her.
“Dongdong, pack your things; let's go out to play!” Xie Jinjia excitedly walked in, but received no response. Normally, the girl would have jumped for joy at this news.
“Ru Dong?” Xie Jinjia called again, puzzled. “If you don't come out, I'll call Qingzhu, you know!”
If even this threat didn't bring her out, where could the maid be? Oh, right, Xie Jinjia suddenly remembered Ru Dong had mentioned preparing warm clothes to send to her sister. But it had been a long time, and she still hadn't returned.
Xie Jinjia called Nanny Jin in. She was about to ask if the girl had returned when she saw that Nanny Jin's eyes were red.
“Nanny, what's wrong? Where's Ru Dong?”
Nanny Jin closed her eyes and shook her head. “Princess, Ru Dong… she's not coming back.”
Xie Jinjia's breath hitched; her eyes seemed to forget how to blink. “What do you mean?”
“The girl… she's dead.”
Xie Jinjia felt as if all the blood in her body had stopped flowing.
Nanny Jin: “When they found her, she was covered in wounds. She suffered so much, that poor child.” Nanny Jin had raised her; when she heard of Ru Dong's death, she couldn't believe it at first.
“Where's her body?” Xie Jinjia stood there, a long time passing before she could croak out, “Who killed her?”
Nanny Jin shook her head. “There are many maids who die from beatings in this Palace. Who knows… I've already given her a proper burial.”
Xie Jinjia's eyes widened, tears streaming down her face. She clenched her fists, suddenly going wild, trying to rush out. “Damn it, damn it! Someone dared to touch someone who belongs to this Princess! I will make them pay!”
Nanny Jin quickly ran over to stop her. “Princess, Princess, no!… Your mother instructed you not to cause trouble these days, or someone will catch you off guard!”
Although Nanny Jin didn't know why, having lived in this deep Palace for so long, she sensed that something was about to change.
That's why Yu Fei had instructed Xie Jinjia not to cause trouble.
“I want to kill him!” Xie Jinjia only shouted these words.
“But Princess, we don't know who killed Dongdong.”
“Investigate, go investigate! I will spare no expense to—”
“Stop!”
Yu Fei walked in without warning. “What are you doing? What kind of behavior is this?”
“Mother?” Xie Jinjia quickly ran over and grabbed Yu Fei's arm. “Someone killed Dongdong! Please help me find out who killed her!”
But Yu Fei pulled her hand away. “I thought it was something important. It's just a little maid; it's no big deal if she's dead. This is a critical time. You must remain calm and not cause trouble.”
If they alarmed the Empress at this time, it would alert the enemy and possibly cause Ping Wang's plans to fail.
She absolutely couldn't let Xie Jinjia investigate. It was just a dead maid; it wasn't a big deal.
Yu Fei reached out and wiped Xie Jinjia's tears. “Mother will choose you a few more maids to keep you company. She was just a lowly servant girl; what's there to cry about?”
Xie Jinjia stared blankly at Yu Fei, unable to believe her ears.
Tears continued to roll down her face. “In Mother's eyes, a human life is so easily dismissed?”
Yu Fei remained silent.
Xie Jinjia forcefully wiped away her tears. “Dongdong wasn't just a lowly life in my eyes, Mother. If you won't help me, then I'll investigate myself.” She turned to leave.
“Stop.” Yu Fei said sternly. “Bring the Princess back. No one is allowed to release her without my orders.”
“Yes.”
……
Xie Jinjia was confined, though it wasn't exactly confinement. She was still well-fed and cared for; her mother simply wouldn't let her leave.
The two doors were tightly shut, isolating her from everything outside, seemingly cutting off the last ray of light.
In the dim room, Xie Jinjia couldn't hold back any longer. She hugged herself and cried loudly, heartbroken, like a small, injured, desperate animal.
She felt so useless; she couldn't do anything.
Nanny Jin sighed outside.
The Princess was still a child; losing her playmate must have been incredibly heartbreaking and painful.
She might seem spoiled and overbearing, but her heart was gentle and kind.
——
Xie Jinjia was confined for many days; her planned trip out of the Palace was canceled.
Yu Fei wouldn't let her out, so she knew nothing of what was happening. She only noticed that the guards around her had become stricter.
During those days, Xie Jinjia seemed to have cried until she had no more tears left; her eyes were swollen and red like a rabbit's.
Nanny Jin applied medicine to her eyes with a heavy heart. “My little Princess, you mustn't cry anymore.”
Xie Jinjia turned to ask, “Nanny, when can I go out?”
Nanny Jin silently shook her head.
When Xie Jinjia was finally released after many days of confinement, she found that the Imperial Palace had been turned upside down.
The Third and Seventh Princes had rebelled. The Emperor had been so enraged that he coughed up blood and fell ill. The Sixth Prince, who had been in the Cold Palace, saved the day and was made Crown Prince.
The tumultuous struggle for the throne had passed while Xie Jinjia was locked away.
No one expected that the violent and sickly Sixth Prince, confined to the Cold Palace, would ultimately seize the position of Crown Prince. Even more surprising, the Sixth Prince, who was rumored to be dying, was gradually recovering.
Xie Jinjia didn't know the details, but anyone with intelligence could guess.
In a short period, the Court's situation underwent a dramatic change.
Ping Wang and the Seventh Prince's rebellion had been suppressed; they were imprisoned, their power vanished, and the officials who had dealings with them were arrested and interrogated, resulting in widespread repercussions.
One power falls, another rises. Political struggles are always like this.
Although Yu Fei didn't participate in the struggle for the throne, she was implicated because of her past friendship with Zhang Guifei. The current Emperor was bedridden and unable to act. The Crown Prince took over the regency, and her power, along with that of the Duke of Yingguo's mansion, crumbled in an instant.
Xie Jinjia was no longer the supremely respected little Princess.
Fallen from the clouds to the mud, once a sea, now just a trickle.
Xie Jinjia didn't initially feel the change in her circumstances until her mother, overwhelmed with worry and chaos, stopped confining her. Only then did she understand the meaning of the Palace 's fickle nature—how people fawned over the powerful and bullied the weak. With her father gravely ill, her mother, once a favored concubine, had lost her support, and the Duke of Yingguo's mansion was also on the decline. Once, Xie Jinjia was the most respected princess of Great Jin; even her spoiled behavior was tolerated. Now, fallen from grace, though still a Princess, she had lost her prestige.
The Liuli Palace was preoccupied with its own problems and couldn't investigate Ru Dong's murderer.
Her mother's anxiety seemed inexplicable. Although she had lost her support, Xie Jue—the Crown Prince—had not yet acted against the Emperor's concubines. However, Xie Jinjia often felt her mother was afraid of something. When she asked, her mother would only say she was overthinking.
Her mother had always kept her out of these matters, protecting her from the world. Even if she asked, her mother never told her anything.
She couldn't do anything about Ru Dong's death, and she was powerless to help her mother's worries. Her third brother was imprisoned, and she couldn't even visit him. Xie Jinjia suddenly felt utterly useless.
Nanny Jin saw her moping in her room all day and felt sorry for her.
The Princess had always been carefree, but now she looked much thinner.
“Princess, let's go out for a walk. Staying in the Palace all day will drive anyone crazy,” Nanny Jin said, bringing Qingzhu and Qingping to follow her, dressed as ordinary palace maids.
The scenery along the Palace paths was still beautiful and tranquil, showing no trace of the bloody palace coup.
Passing by the imperial garden, several maids were picking flowers. She overheard them chatting, “Did you hear? The new head of the Shanggong Bureau (Palace Bureau of Internal Affairs) is the maid who served the Crown Prince when he was in the Cold Palace!”
“Wow, she's soared to the heavens overnight. What luck!”
“Exactly. But some people aren't so lucky. Look at the Fifth Princess of Liuli Palace. She's fallen on hard times now, living a humble life.”
“She only has the title of Princess now. The Crown Prince despises his sister. After all, the spoiled Fifth Princess used to bully others… I heard… she's not having an easy time now.”
Qingzhu and Qingping couldn't bear to hear them insult the Princess and wanted to confront them. But Xie Jinjia stopped them. “Forget it.”
“Princess, are you just letting them get away with it?”
“They didn't say anything wrong…” Xie Jinjia murmured. Besides, she didn't have the energy to argue over such trivial matters.
……
Walking along the bustling streets outside the Palace, surrounded by the constant calls of vendors, Xie Jinjia, who usually showed great interest in new and interesting things, simply walked aimlessly, seeing nothing, buying nothing, oblivious to her surroundings.
Usually, whenever the Princess went out, she was cheerful and happy. No one had ever seen her like this before. It seemed Ru Dong's death had dealt a devastating blow to the Princess.
Qingzhu tried to get her attention, suddenly pointing to a sugar-plum stall nearby. “Hey, those sugar plums look delicious. Miss, shall we buy some to try?”
“No, thank you.” Xie Jinjia simply shook her head.
Qingzhu was extremely worried. The Princess hadn't eaten or drunk anything since leaving this morning; her face was pale. If this continued, it would be terrible.
Besides, it was getting dark, and they should return to the Palace.
……
As the sun set, colorful lanterns illuminated the streets of the Capital, creating a vibrant and bustling atmosphere.
Xie Jinjia, in a daze, wandered around, finding nothing interesting. She turned to go back to the Palace.
Outside the Mingyue Tower, lanterns hung high, welcoming and seeing off the capital's powerful and wealthy. Even the waiters were dressed more elegantly than those in other restaurants, bowing as they escorted a calm and composed middle-aged man into a carriage.
The man was probably a high-ranking official, but Xie Jinjia had never paid attention to such things and couldn't recall his name.
Nor did she have any interest in knowing.
Just as she was about to turn away, a young man in light green civilian clothes emerged from behind. He had handsome and refined features, a gentle and jade-like demeanor, and a cool yet approachable air. His every move was graceful and gentle.
He was like a transcendent immortal who had descended to earth.
His appearance drew everyone's attention.
Xiao Qibai said something to the man, they exchanged bows, and then Xiao Qibai smiled faintly before turning to leave. He seemed to be heading towards her.
Xie Jinjia's heart skipped a beat. She quickly retreated and hid herself, turning around and hurrying away in a different direction.
Qingzhu chased after her. “Princess, why are you leaving? That was… Lord Xiao.”
She knew who it was.
She had promised herself not to bother him, not to see him again.
She couldn't meet him.
“Let's go back to the Palace.” Xie Jinjia didn't stop, hurrying through the bustling streets until she reached a quiet place, then slowed her pace.
Standing there, she gasped for breath, head bowed, saying nothing.
After a while, she suddenly crouched down and began to cry, suppressing her sobs.
“Princess…”
Qingzhu and Qingping were at a loss for what to do.
Not knowing what to do, they could only stand there anxiously.
Just as they were about to say something comforting, the Princess, who had been crouching on the ground crying, suddenly fell silent. Her body went limp, and she collapsed.
Qingzhu and Qingping screamed, rushing to her side and lifting her up. “Princess, what's wrong? Wake up…”
But Xie Jinjia's eyes were closed, tears still clinging to the corners of her eyes. She had fainted.
The two maids were at a loss, so frightened they were on the verge of tears.
A tall figure appeared at the end of the alley, the light green hem of his robe swaying as he walked. He quickly approached.
Qingzhu, her eyes blurry with tears, looked up and widened her eyes. She immediately pleaded, “Lord Xiao, please save our Princess! We don't know what happened; she suddenly fainted…”
Xiao Qibai knelt down and checked her breathing. Seeing her pale face, his eyes darkened, and he quickly scooped her up into his arms.
Qingzhu wasn't sure if she'd misheard, but it sounded like Lord Xiao sighed in resignation.
She didn't understand why Lord Xiao would sigh.
……
When Xie Jinjia woke up again, she was already back in the Palace.
Touching her slightly aching head, Xie Jinjia lifted the covers and sat up, calling for Qingzhu and Qingping. “How did I get back to the Palace?”
She only remembered crying and then suddenly feeling dizzy, losing consciousness immediately afterward.
How had she returned to the Palace?
Qingzhu stammered, “It… it was the guards who found you. They escorted the Princess back to the Palace in a carriage.”
“Oh, right. The Imperial Physician said you're weak and need to eat more nutritious food. You mustn't go a whole day without eating.”
“Guards…?” Xie Jinjia touched her head. She didn't remember bringing any guards with her when she left the Palace.
And the maid's stammering clearly indicated she wasn't telling the truth.
They were definitely hiding something from her.
So she pretended to nod and sent them out, then secretly followed them.
“Whew, that was close!” Qingping said, patting her chest as she came out. “I was so afraid the Princess would catch me lying.”
“You're just a coward.”
Qingping asked Qingzhu questioningly, “Lord Xiao saved the Princess, but why didn't he want us to tell her…?”
And when Lord Xiao saw the Princess faint, he clearly looked very worried.
Qingzhu shook her head. “I don't know either.”
The two maids walked farther and farther away. Xie Jinjia, leaning against the door, stood there for a long time.
Then, she belatedly felt a surge of joy. It was Xiao Qibai who had saved her!
He didn't completely hate her, did he?
Xie Jinjia felt a spark rekindle within her, a flicker of hope in the ashes of her despair.
……
But Xie Jinjia's rekindled hope was short-lived. She heard that Xiao Qibai had gone to Qingzhou with the Crown Prince, and wouldn't be back for months.
She still couldn't see him.
The Crown Prince taking Xiao Qibai to Qingzhou was a sign of great favor, ensuring a bright and successful future for him. She heard he'd been appointed as the Deputy Minister of the Imperial Academy. Xie Jinjia was truly happy for him.
But his departure was far too long. She hadn't even had a chance to thank him for saving her.
Of course, she also missed him very, very much.
Unable to find out anything about him, Xie Jinjia shamelessly bothered the Crown Prince's female official, Yun Shanggong.
She wasn't insensitive. Though she frequently bothered Yun Shanggong, Yun Shanggong had always been kind to her, sometimes even kindly reminding her of things.
She was Ru Dong's sister, Xie Jinjia suddenly remembered.
Unlike the sweet and lovely Ru Dong, Yun Shanggong was beautiful, intelligent, and rational.
Even when Xie Jinjia only hinted at something, Yun Ling could guess her thoughts and patiently told her,
“The Crown Prince hasn't returned yet.”
If the Crown Prince hadn't returned, then naturally Xiao Qibai hadn't either.
Xie Jinjia waited a long, long time, finally until the ice and snow melted, when Xiao Qibai returned from Qingzhou.
Xie Jinjia was overjoyed. She wanted to see him, but she also heard he had many things to handle after returning from Qingzhou, that he was too busy, and she mustn't disturb him.
Her coming-of-age ceremony was probably the happiest day for Xie Jinjia in the past six months. She had grown up, she was no longer a child. Xiao Qibai couldn't treat her like a child anymore.
Then came the hunt. The Crown Prince announced a spring hunt, and Xie Jinjia heard that Xiao Qibai would be there. She was happy for days, carefully choosing beautiful clothes, wanting to present her best self to him that day.
But Xie Jinjia didn't expect that the day itself would be the moment that truly broke her heart.
……
The hunt at Beilin Garden.
The Crown Prince held a banquet that night. Xie Jinjia, quite happy, ate roasted meat while glancing around.
Men and women sat at separate tables, so she couldn't see Xiao Qibai, but she was persistent.
She looked so beautiful today; she wondered if he had seen her.
Suddenly, she heard some people whispering below,
“Did you hear? Lord Xiao actually praised Miss Shen today!”
“No way?”
“It's true! I heard the Crown Prince is going to arrange a marriage for Lord Xiao, with this Miss Shen!”
“I heard it was Li Xintang?”
“Lord Xiao is getting married?! Wuwuwuwu…”
She didn't hear anything else they said after that.
All she could hear echoing in her mind was: Xiao Qibai is getting married.
The sizzling, fragrant roasted meat on her plate instantly lost its appeal, making her lose her appetite.
Her chopsticks clattered onto the plate, the sound causing the noble ladies below to look up at her.
Their gazes were a mixture of confusion, malice, and amusement.
Yes, how many people here didn't know she liked Xiao Qibai?
Xie Jinjia couldn't stay any longer and stood up to leave.
Although it was spring, the wind outside was colder than winter, biting against her face.
Xie Jinjia didn't care, frantically searching for Yun Ling to get clarification. As the Crown Prince's Shanggong, she must know.
It was already dark. She waited a long time outside the garden before finally seeing Yun Ling come out. She quickly ran over, grabbing Yun Ling's hand, her demeanor distraught. “Yun Ling, they all say Xiao Qibai is getting married. Is it true?”
She looked at Yun Ling anxiously, hoping for a denial.
Yun Ling's voice was gentle but firm, laced with perhaps pity. She said, “Princess, Lord Xiao is marrying for political reasons.”
“Even if it's not Miss Shen, there will be someone else. He can't marry you.”
Yun Ling's words felt like a death sentence to Xie Jinjia.
Yun Ling was the Crown Prince's most trusted female official. There was nothing she didn't know, nothing she wasn't aware of.
What she said was the truth.
Xie Jinjia stared blankly at her, her mind a blank, then shook her head, refusing to believe it.
She had finally felt that he didn't dislike her. She had just come of age, and she had worn such beautiful clothes today, wanting him to see her. Yet she heard the news of his impending marriage.
“Since it's destined not to work out, Princess, why force it?” she heard Yun Ling say.
Returning to her room in a daze, Xie Jinjia sat in a chair, tears streaming down her face.
A pot of wine sat on the table. She didn't care anymore and picked it up, drinking it straight down. They say a good, hard drink can wash away all pain.
……
The cold moon hung high in the night sky, casting a silvery glow.
Xie Jinjia was still unwilling to accept it, unwilling to accept that he was marrying someone else.
Since she was a child, she had always been stubborn. Yun Ling told her that things destined to fail shouldn't be forced. But she… she really liked him.
She knocked on the door. The room was quiet, so quiet it seemed like no one was inside. She knocked again, persistently.
Footsteps came from inside, and the door creaked open. He seemed to be about to sleep, dressed in moon-white sleepwear, his long black hair loose. Even in the moonlight, he was breathtakingly handsome.
His expression was calm and composed. Xiao Qibai glanced down at her, his brow furrowing slightly, but his voice was still gentle. “It's so late, and you don't even have anyone with you.”
Xie Jinjia barged in regardless, and Xiao Qibai, with a sigh, closed the door.
Her fair cheeks were flushed, and she reeked of alcohol; she'd clearly drunk a lot. That's why she was bold enough to barge into a man's room at night.
After the door closed, the room fell silent.
Xiao Qibai turned around and saw her sad face. She asked, her voice trembling, “Xiao Qibai, are you really marrying someone else?”
As soon as she finished speaking, tears welled up.
Xiao Qibai had already known she would come because of this.
He watched her, his voice flat as he gave her a confirming answer, “Yes.”
That “yes” was like a sharp knife, piercing Xie Jinjia's heart and shattering her composure.
She couldn't take it anymore and, in a fit of rage, swept the teapot and teacups from the table to the floor, sending shards of porcelain and tea flying.
Yes, she was spoiled, unreasonable, and tyrannical.
“No, I won't allow you to marry anyone else!”
Fearing she might hurt herself, Xiao Qibai quickly stepped forward to pull her away. In the chaos, a teacup smashed against his hand. Blood welled up instantly.
Xiao Qibai wiped the blood from his hand calmly, tucking it into his sleeve before turning to her. “Are you finished making a scene?”
Xie Jinjia cried even harder, tears streaming down her face. Drunk and irrational, she was behaving even more childishly than she had as a child, wailing, “Why? Why are you marrying someone else?”
“Why don't you like me?”
Her tears completely obscured her vision.
Xiao Qibai walked towards her step by step, took out a handkerchief, and wiped away her tears. The next moment, Xie Jinjia threw herself into his arms, crying and stamping her feet, “I won't allow it! I absolutely won't allow it!”
Her tears soaked his chest. Her arms were wrapped tightly around him, refusing to let go.
Her face was flushed, her hair wet with tears. She looked utterly pathetic, repeating over and over again that she wouldn't let him marry anyone else.
The hot tears seemed to penetrate layers of clothing, burning his skin and flesh. Xiao Qibai lowered his head, letting her hold him. He took a deep breath.
“Xie Jinjia, you've come of age. Why are you still acting like an unreasonable child?”
“In this world, no one gets everything they want.”
“I am unreasonable! I've always been unreasonable since I was little!” Xie Jinjia sobbed, her voice choked with tears. She tightened her grip on his arms.
Such willful boldness.
Xiao Qibai's breathing deepened. He said softly, his voice low, “Do you know that a young lady from a respectable family shouldn't be drinking at night, let alone barging into a man's room at this hour?”
His tone hardened. “This is damaging to your reputation—if you continue to act so recklessly, I won't have anything more to say to you.”
She was so reckless and unrestrained when drunk, not only breaking into a man's room but also losing her composure enough to hug him. What if she got drunk again and encountered someone else? Even the gentle Xiao Qibai was a little angry.
Therefore, his tone was sharper.
If he let it continue, she might do something else. He needed to teach her a lesson.
Xie Jinjia, hearing his words, panicked. She stamped her foot and released him.
Even drunk, even willful and unreasonable, she was still afraid of Xiao Qibai's anger.
Letting go, she took a step back, utterly dejected. She looked up at Xiao Qibai, her vision blurred by tears. “I knew you disliked me. I'm so willful and unreasonable, always causing you trouble…”
“I know, but I can't help but like you. I'm sorry…” Xie Jinjia wiped away her tears roughly, leaving a red mark. “Since you don't want to talk to me or see me, I'll leave…”
Saying this, Xie Jinjia stumbled to the door and opened it. But as soon as she stepped outside, she lost her footing and fell, her drunken state betraying her.
Her soft palm hit the ground, sending a sharp pain through her. She lowered her head but didn't cry out. She silently shed tears, large tears falling onto the ground with a soft plop. Slowly, she picked herself up, dragging her feet as she walked out of the courtyard.
She wanted to return to her own courtyard, but she was too tired, too hurt. Her eyes ached terribly, and she had no strength left to walk.
In a corner, she slowly sat down against the wall. Xie Jinjia wiped her tears. Her cheeks, flushed from the alcohol, were burning hot. She wrapped her arms around herself, sobbing softly as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
The night was deep and cold. A cool night breeze blew past, lifting a corner of her clothes.
It was very late, and the outside was almost silent.
Xie Jinjia's tear-stained eyelashes trembled in her sleep; even in her dreams, she was heartbroken.
Her whole body was curled up, looking as pitiful and helpless as an abandoned kitten.
Her thin frame, her vulnerability, and her tears—such a sight was…heartbreaking.
She was always open with her emotions, never hiding her joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness. When unhappy or sad, she would cry and shed tears.
Usually, when Xiao Qibai saw her cry, he didn't know what to do and just let her cry. But today, she cried so much, her eyelids were swollen and red. She had rubbed them so hard and even broke the skin slightly. A strand of hair, wet with tears, clung to her cheek. She looked…pitiful.
Perhaps his words had been too harsh, causing her such distress.
Xiao Qibai bent down and gently picked her up.
……
Her maidservant hadn't come looking for her, so she must have snuck out while drunk.
If he carried her back to her courtyard now, he might run into someone, which would damage her reputation.
Xiao Qibai carried her into his room and gently laid her on the bed. But as soon as he put her down, Xie Jinjia, still asleep, suddenly opened her eyes. Her gaze was hazy. After glancing at him, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, refusing to let go. Then she slowly closed her eyes again.
She wasn't awake; she was just being stubborn even in her sleep.
Xiao Qibai lowered his head, quietly looking at her rosy cheeks and tightly closed, wet eyes. When open, they were bright and lively, and when she smiled, they were dazzling as the stars in the night sky. The corners of her lips were always curved into a bright, radiant smile.
Perhaps the night was too quiet, her breathing too deep. For once, Xiao Qibai didn't pull her arms away. He silently and calmly held her, letting her sleep peacefully in his arms.
How heartbroken and distraught she must have been to be so restless even in her sleep, tears even now tracing paths down her closed eyelids.
How could he not feel sympathy?
Xiao Qibai gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, lowering his head and whispering, “I don't hate you…” He had said those things only hoping she would protect herself.
His urgency stemmed from a fear that if he didn't teach her, tell her what she should and shouldn't do, what would happen if she continued to act so recklessly?
Xie Jinjia slept restlessly. Even clinging to him in her sleep wasn't enough; she pressed herself even closer into his arms, her possessiveness strong, wanting to fill herself with his warmth and embrace.
She kept moving closer, burrowing into his arms. Her soft, rosy lips were about to touch his chin. The closer she got, the sweeter her peach-like scent became, mingling with his own, almost touching… Xiao Qibai slowly raised his head, creating some distance between them.
The intensely sweet scent of her breath lessened slightly.
Xiao Qibai watched as her small face rubbed against his chest; soft and cuddly, utterly endearing.
His lowered eyelashes concealed his eyes, hiding the emotions within.
His long, slender fingers gently tapped her upturned nose—a rejection, yet also an explanation. His voice was low and soft. “Xie Jinjia, I can't marry you.”
This is just cruel, author.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry; they got HE in the end, even though they faced a bittersweet plot in the middle. ๐๐
DeleteMy poor Jinjia. She's really breaking my heart. My eyes are swollen from crying ๐ญ๐
ReplyDeleteI know, this part really makes me uncomfortable too. ๐
Delete