The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 10: What Kind of Creature Is He, Really.

　　Xie Yuanxun had Shen Ling stand beside him. “The governor of Shanyu County presented me with an incredibly fierce divine beast. Then I remembered you’ve never seen one, so I had you brought here. You can look now.”

　　Shen Ling’s eyes immediately landed on the caged creature. Those familiar dark circles around its eyes, the black-and-white coat, the clumsy yet adorable look—it all made her eyes widen in shock. The divine beast seemed to sense her gaze. It opened its mouth in a roar and flexed its muscles. Shen Ling’s reaction? She clutched her chest and gasped.

　　Oh my, my goodness!

　　It’s a panda! A national treasure!

　　A real panda! The kind that moves and makes sounds!

　　Shen Ling’s body trembled.

　　—I can’t believe I’m finally this close to seeing one in real life. I, I...

　　Xie Yuanxun hadn’t expected her to be so scared of the divine beast. He noticed her body trembling. Most women, when faced with such a fierce creature, would probably faint on the spot. Shen Ling’s reaction, however, was actually pretty good. At least she didn’t pass out.

　　And judging from her thoughts, was she… trying to cry?

　　Xie Yuanxun waited a while, curious to see what she looked like when she cried. He had never seen her cry even once. But no matter how long he waited, she didn’t shed a tear. Huh? What was going on?

　　She didn’t cry, yet her body kept shaking. What did that mean? Xie Yuanxun was puzzled. Maybe Shen Ling didn’t want him to see her ugly crying face. A woman preserves her dignity for the one she wants to please, so perhaps she held back her tears?

　　Xie Yuanxun decided he could allow her little act of control. No crying, fine. Even trembling like that, she looked good. So pitiful, yet endearing.

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “Scared by the divine beast’s fierceness?”

　　Shen Ling wanted to look away, but her eyes were glued to the giant panda. She couldn’t look away! For Xie Yuanxun’s question, she could only stammer a vague “ah… oh…” Her brain had completely shut down. This was a giant panda! It was so cute, so adorable! She wanted to pet it so badly!

　　She practically felt like snorting two excited bursts of air through her nose.

　　Scared by a panda? No, no way. Who could be scared of such a fluffy, chonky little creature?

　　If Xie Yuanxun hadn’t described it with words like fierce and mighty, Shen Ling knew she would’ve given the panda a suspiciously lovesick grin, petting its fur and cooing at how cute it was.

　　Shen Ling muttered, “I-I’m a little scared.”

　　—It’s so cute, how could I be scared? I just want to hug it and take it back to Chang Le Palace! So cute, so cute, ahhh!

　　Xie Yuanxun said nothing.

　　Shen Ling even flattered him, “But with Your Majesty’s dragon-like presence here, even the fiercest divine beast can’t scare me. You are the bravest true dragon Emperor.”

　　—Ahhhhhh!

　　—Divine beast is such a cute name, and it looks even cuter, cuter, cuter, cuter!

　　Xie Yuanxun stayed silent.

　　He clicked his tongue, face shifting with unreadable expressions. Her act of fear looked convincing. If he couldn’t hear her thoughts, he might have actually been fooled by her.

　　He suddenly asked, “Do you want to keep it?”

　　Shen Ling’s eyes lit up like little stars. “I want to! Your Majesty!”

　　Xie Yuanxun’s tone was calm, almost teasing, “Didn’t you say it scared you? And yet you’re this happy? You’re not lying to me, are you, Shen Guiren?”

　　Shen Ling froze.

　　—Oh no, I’m doomed!

　　Blame the giant panda for being so adorably fluffy that it completely stole her brain and left her unable to think straight, exposing her true feelings right in front of Xie Yuanxun. She couldn’t bring herself to blame it! It was just too cute. Cute is never wrong. The only one at fault was her, a woman with zero self-control.

　　She had only made the most universal mistake a woman could make!

　　But now that she’d said it, there was no taking it back. Shen Ling racked her brain for a way to cover herself.

　　Ah, got it!

　　She said, “Your Majesty has a beast garden, and it houses many fierce animals. Since I’m often summoned to accompany Your Majesty, naturally, naturally I also want to follow in Your Majesty’s footsteps. Keeping a mighty beast would make me… fitting.” Whether by “fitting” she meant with Xie Yuanxun or with the panda, well, that was open to interpretation.

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “If I said I didn’t want you to keep it, would you be disappointed?”

　　Shen Ling quickly recovered, “Your Majesty wouldn’t let me keep it to protect me from harm. You care for me, I understand.”

　　—Ugh, I’m extremely disappointed! Are you satisfied, you little dog?!    

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Then if I agreed to let you keep it, would you be happy?”

　　Shen Ling paused. “...I would. I’d be very happy. After all, it would be a reward from Your Majesty, a grace bestowed by you.” Her heart started pounding wildly. So does that mean he’s about to give her the giant panda? Really? Is it happening?!

　　Xie Yuanxun looked at her with a half smile that wasn’t quite a smile. Not bad. Either answer she gave left no room to fault her.

　　Shen Ling asked carefully, “So… does that mean Your Majesty agrees?”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “No.”

　　“I don’t agree. I’m not letting you keep it.”

　　“Are you angry?” he asked, genuinely curious.

　　Shen Ling stiffened, her face going blank. “I’m not angry.”

　　Xie Yuanxun didn't understand. “Why aren’t you angry?”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　—Ask ask ask. You idiot, all you do is ask!

　　—You even have the nerve to ask me why I’m not angry. Of course I’m angry! I’m so angry my lungs are about to explode! You’re clearly messing with me. Don’t tell me you can’t see how badly I want to keep that divine beast. Or wait, did you really not see it? Is my acting actually that good? No way. No way!

　　—And anyway, if I said I was angry, would you compensate me if I offended your imperial dignity and got myself killed? Who in their right mind tells the truth in front of an Emperor like you? I don’t know about others, but I’m scared of dying. I don’t dare. I’m a coward, okay!

　　—Let me tell you, my thinking is extremely meticulous!    

　　Shen Ling said in a sweet, soft voice, “Because Your Majesty is so good to me. I can’t bear to lose my temper at you~”

　　There was not the slightest hint, from that coquettish answer, of how vicious her inner commentary actually was.

　　—Tsk!

　　—What do you mean can’t bear to? I’m obviously just scared, okay!

　　—Try being a henpecked Emperor! I’d climb onto your neck and shout “giddy up”!

　　Xie Yuanxun clapped his hands and laughed. “I’ve thought of a great way to praise you.” He pointed sincerely at the giant panda and said to Shen Ling, “Go kill it. Skin it, then take the hide back to your palace and use it as a rug.”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　Huh?! Did she hear that wrong just now? Or was she hallucinating? Otherwise, how could she have heard him tell her to kill the giant panda? Shen Ling was about to lose her mind. What kind of species was Xie Yuanxun exactly, this great demon king?!

　　Seeing that she did not respond, Xie Yuanxun said lightly, “You don’t like my way of praising you?”

　　Shen Ling opened her mouth stiffly. “I like it. I like it very much.”

　　—Wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu!

　　—My life is so miserable!

　　—Why don’t you reward me by letting me kill you instead, you dog man?!

　　Xie Yuanxun froze. “You want to kill me?”

　　“Huh?”

　　Shen Ling thought she had accidentally spoken her thoughts out loud for him to hear. Cold sweat instantly broke out on her forehead like someone had splashed water on it. “Your Majesty, I meant I want to kill, kill… I want to eat sand pears. Yes, that’s right. That’s what I meant. Sand pears, sand pears! I haven’t eaten them in a long time, so I suddenly felt like it.”

　　—Ahhhhhhhhhhh I’m scared to death!

　　—I saved it! I saved it!

　　—I really am such a clever little genius!

　　Xie Yuanxun burst out laughing. “Hahahahaha.”

　　Shen Ling saw him laughing so happily and couldn’t help but join in. Joy shared is double joy, right? “Hehehehe,” she giggled along.

　　After a while, Xie Yuanxun gave an order. “Send all the sand pears in the palace to Chang Le Palace. Not a single one can be left behind.” He looked at Shen Ling gently and added, “Since you like them, eat as many as you want. If there aren’t enough, I’ll have them sent from the northwest with urgent delivery over eight hundred li.”

　　Shen Ling twitched at the corner of her mouth. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

　　—Eight hundred li urgent delivery…

　　—Are you afraid I won’t be able to be a scheming consort?

　　—One ride through the dusty streets and the consort smiles, but no one knows it’s for sand pears.

　　Tsk tsk, maybe one day she would end up like Yang Guifei, nailed by poems to the pillar of extravagant shame. As a child, she had thought Yang Guifei was pampered by the Emperor. Now, as Shen Guiren under Xie Yuanxun, she realized that all that “pampering” was just an illusion. The Emperor’s reckless whims were the only reality.

　　Xie Yuanxun looked genuinely surprised for once. One ride through the dusty streets and the consort smiles, but no one knows it’s for sand pears. Shen Ling, who spent all day secretly cursing him in her heart, could actually come up with such a good line of poetry?

　　“Do you usually write poetry?” he asked.

　　Shen Ling studied his expression. Well, she couldn’t tell whether he was in a good mood or bad, and she couldn’t guess what he was thinking. She couldn’t just say she didn’t know how—that would make her look uneducated. So she shook her head and answered modestly, “Writing poetry requires the right moment and the proper mood.”

　　What poetry could she actually write? At best, she could recite a few classics: Goose, goose, goose, bend your neck to the sky, or Spring sleep unaware of dawn, everywhere I hear birds sing, maybe The grasses on the plain flourish and wither every year, or Moonlight before my bed, I thought it was frost on the ground... Huh, she actually knew quite a few!

　　Xie Yuanxun didn’t hear any of her inner thoughts. Her answer sounded like a student’s lame excuse, so he realized that her earlier line of poetry was a one-time miracle she could never replicate. He didn’t press the matter further.

　　Shen Ling quietly glanced at the giant panda, then at Xie Yuanxun, who hadn’t actually sent her to the giant iron cage to kill it. It seemed he had completely forgotten about asking her to kill the panda. She pretended that they had both silently agreed to drop the whole idea. After all, she wasn’t going to remind him—no way!

　　Back at Chang Le Palace, Shen Ling closed the gates and let out a long, relieved breath. “Phew!”    

　　—Panda, oh panda, I finally saved your life from Xie Yuanxun!

　　Looking up, Shen Ling saw the palace piled high with sand pears everywhere. She stared in disbelief. “......” How long would it take her to eat all of these?

　　Shen Ling muttered, “From now on, the Chang Le Palace should always have sand pears...” Then she narrowed her eyes. If she remembered correctly, Xie Yuanxun hadn’t said that all these pears were just for her. Most people might grunt and gobble them all up themselves, but was Shen Ling most people? No way. There was no way she could finish all of them even if she chewed non-stop until her mouth fell apart. She had to share! Definitely share!

　　Shen Ling called Liu Zhu over. “Divide them up for the palace maids and eunuchs. Make sure they eat properly and don’t waste anything. Nothing should be left except the cores, understand?”

　　Liu Zhu bowed. “Yes, Your Grace.”

    

    

     

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