The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 54: Who’s Easy to Fool?

　　Today was the day the group would return to the Capital from the Mulan Hunting Grounds. When everyone heard the news, they had their servants pack up their belongings and load them onto the carriages. Xie Yuanxun’s imperial carriage had already left, naturally with Shen Ling riding with him, followed by the imperial clan and high-ranking nobles, then the officials’ wives and concubines from various households.

　　Everyone let out a sigh of relief. Especially when they thought of the colleagues who had died here, it was like surviving a disaster. Who would have guessed that just by Xie Yuanxun suddenly deciding to visit the hunting grounds, the beasts would go berserk? Luckily, Xie Yuanxun was fine, or else no one knew how many would have died. These people didn’t know for sure if someone had come to assassinate Xie Yuanxun, but having served under him for years, they could sense that something was off. “Beasts going berserk” sounded flimsy and unbelievable. Most kept a low profile to avoid trouble, though some of the more well-informed, like the Duke of Fuguo and a few other insiders, knew that the disturbances in the hunting grounds were caused by assassins. Xie Yuanxun hadn’t spoken about it, and so no one dared to mention it.

　　Madam Jiang, of course, didn’t understand any of this. When she saw Nanny Zheng lift the carriage curtain and step inside, alone, she frowned. “Why didn’t Madam Yang come? Didn’t I ask you to bring her here? You didn’t tell her what I said?”

　　Nanny Zheng replied, “Madam, I didn’t see Madam Yang myself. I only saw her maid, and she said that Madam Yang took Miss Yang to another carriage to keep her company.”

　　Madam Jiang’s expression darkened. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. She didn’t know when it started, but all the ladies who used to fawn over her now kept their distance.

　　Were they not afraid of offending her?

　　Miss Yang had asked Madam Yang the same question after Nanny Zheng left. Madam Yang scoffed, “What’s so scary about offending her? Your father’s official rank is lower than Minister Shen’s, but your father is not lacking. He’s close with the aides of Prime Minister Yang. If Minister Shen hadn’t interfered back then, your father might be the Minister of Personnel today.”

　　Miss Yang said, “If we’re not afraid of the Shen family, why did you make me fawn over Shen Xi before? Every time I saw her, I felt uncomfortable. Whatever I did with her, someone would point fingers, saying I was wrong here, wrong there, and that I could never compare to her.”

　　Madam Yang pressed her lips together. “Do you know why? It’s because Madam Jiang had a good daughter who entered the Palace and became a Bao Fei. She’s highly favored by His Majesty, so even if we don’t care about appearances elsewhere, we must respect the one in front of the Buddha. If Madam Jiang says bad things about us to Bao Fei, what kind of good life would we have left?”

　　Not only had Miss Yang been bullied by Shen Xi, even under Madam Jiang she hadn’t gotten any favors. Madam Jiang treated her like a mere attendant. If it weren’t for watching out for Shen Ling, she probably would have thrown in the towel long ago.

　　Madam Yang’s lips curved into a satisfied smile. “But now we don’t need to fawn over them anymore. Everyone knows that Madam Jiang and Bao Fei don’t get along. Back then, Madam Jiang was sly and took advantage of our ignorance to boss us around. From now on, you don’t need to give Shen Xi any face. Being nice to her only irritates Bao Fei.”

　　“Honestly, it’s normal for Bao Fei and Madam Jiang not to get along. Madam Jiang knew Shen Xi had been in Bao Fei’s position all these years. Even if Shen Xi was innocent, Madam Jiang should have sent her back to her real family. If she couldn’t bear to part with her, she could have arranged for her to marry someone under the Shen family’s control. Instead, Madam Jiang brought Bao Fei back and refused to let Shen Xi go. Can you imagine Bao Fei’s mood, seeing Shen Xi every day? To her, Shen Xi was like a thief, and not only did she go unpunished, she was even spoiled by Madam Jiang. Madam Jiang was truly a muddle-headed woman.”

　　“Do you know why Bao Fei entered the Palace? His Majesty’s temperament is cruel, as we all know...” Madam Yang coughed lightly, carefully avoiding any direct critique of the Emperor, and turned her attention back to Shen Ling. “If she hadn’t had a hard life in the Shen household, she wouldn’t have entered the inner palace. Before Bao Fei appeared, His Majesty never favored anyone, and many concubines died by his hand. Do you think Bao Fei wasn’t afraid of losing her life by entering the Palace? She only chose this path because she had no other choice.”

　　Shen Ling: Meow, meow, meow? Forced by circumstances? Sorry, that wasn’t why she entered the Palace at all. She went in to avoid the storylines, never imagining she’d end up right in the hands of a tyrant like Xie Yuanxun. By the time she realized it, it was too late to regret. If she had tried to run back then, it wouldn’t have been an easy pass—it would’ve been a death sentence.

　　Miss Yang listened carefully to Madam Yang’s words. “No wonder I don’t see anyone going after Shen Xi anymore. Looks like quite a few people have figured this out.”

　　Madam Yang nodded. “Exactly.”

　　On the road, quite a few people noticed that Nanny Zheng hadn’t been able to bring Madam Yang along. Inside the carriage, everyone was talking about Shen Ling and the Shen family. Minister Qu sat reading his book, while his wife was enthusiastically chatting about how Madam Yang had jumped out of the fire just in time.

　　Normally, Minister Qu didn’t like listening to women’s gossip. But remembering how grief-stricken his wife had been the day their second son passed, he let her chatter away in his ear.

　　Better to let her pass the time with gossip than let her drown in sorrow.    

　　Madam Qu said, “This time Madam Jiang couldn't invite Madam Yang over. She really should recognize that times have changed. You wouldn’t have seen it yourself, but on our way to Mulan Hunting Grounds back then, Madam Jiang wanted to call all of us over to show off. Who would’ve thought that when we return to the Capital, she can’t show off at all? I actually want to see what her face looks like now.”

　　Minister Qu flipped a page in his book, and Madam Qu continued, “She’s a minister’s wife just like me, yet when she talks to me, she acts like it’s such an honor. If it weren’t for Bao Fei, I would’ve turned on her long ago. People don’t know how she earned her reputation for being virtuous, but I do. The concubines and maids in Minister Shen’s rear courtyard? She’s practically trained them to only know how to say ‘Amitabha’.”

　　Minister Qu chuckled. “Saying ‘Amitabha’ isn’t so bad, life is peaceful that way.”

　　Madam Qu shot him a sideways glance. “Then maybe I should make your concubines kneel and copy sutras too. At their age, bending like that will ruin their backs and their eyes won’t see straight. How does that sound?”

　　Minister Qu hesitated. “Maybe that’s a bit much.”

　　Madam Qu said, “You’re a man, so you probably don’t know half the things happening in the rear courtyard. Keep your distance from Minister Shen in the future. I may not understand state affairs, but I understand women. To be blunt, Bao Fei has grievances against Madam Jiang and Shen Xi. Otherwise, why do you think in all this time, Bao Fei has summoned them only once? And even then, Madam Jiang came out with a sour look on her face.”

　　“You’re overthinking it. I handle the Ministry of Revenue, and Minister Shen is in the Personnel Department. We’re in different branches, so what kind of close relationship could I have with him? It's just a matter of polite formalities.” He would avoid Shen Kangzheng in the future, but luckily they hadn’t been close.

　　“Still, even if Bao Fei isn’t on good terms with them, the Shen family won’t collapse. Minister Shen’s legitimate son, Shen Jinxiu, gets along well with Marquis Xue Yunshi.”

　　Madam Qu took a bite of her pastry. “That little Marquis Xue… I don’t know why, but he doesn’t seem like a good kid. His eyes are full of shrewdness.”

　　Minister Qu “.....”

　　Madam Qu continued, “In the past, everyone in the Capital said that his lawfully wedded wife would be his cousin, Miss Xue. But look, it hasn’t been long, and he’s already fawning over Miss Song from the Duke of Fuguo’s Manor. Though Miss Xue might be lucky in misfortune, since she caught the eye of Bao Fei.”

　　Minister Qu shook his head, ignoring Madam Qu’s baseless speculation. He nodded casually and gave a few indifferent words. Seeing his half-hearted responses, Madam Qu left him dejectedly and instead instructed the nanny to prepare a plate of stinky tofu. This stinky tofu happened to be one of Bao Fei’s favorites. Once she tried it, she fell in love with it, but since “stinky tofu” sounded too vulgar, they gave it a more refined name: “Beauty Tofu.”

　　When Minister Qu heard Madam Qu wanted stinky tofu, his face almost turned green. He truly could not understand how she could like it.

　　......

　　Shen Ling woke up from her nap to find her head resting on Xie Yuanxun’s arm. When she looked down, she realized the fabric under her head was damp.

　　Shen Ling froze, “......” Her saliva had apparently flooded all over.

　　Seeing that Xie Yuanxun hadn’t woken up, she decided to change his clothes. She got out of bed and grabbed a fresh set of sleepwear. Honestly, the carriage they were in was more like a mini palace than a vehicle. The floor was steady, there was no shaking, and the space was huge—beds, couches, even enough room to roll around a few times without feeling cramped.

　　Shen Ling rolled up her sleeves and carefully began changing Xie Yuanxun’s clothes. She moved as gently as possible, afraid of waking him. Whenever he shifted even slightly, she would pause before continuing. After several rounds of careful adjustments, she finally managed to remove his damp clothes and put on fresh ones.

　　Just as she was about to get down and hand the dirty clothes to Liu Zhu, Xie Yuanxun opened his eyes and placed his hands on Shen Ling’s waist.

　　Shen Ling forced a nervous laugh, “......Your Majesty, you’re awake.”

　　—Can you move your hands off my waist so I can get down? This pose is kind of ‘dangerous.’

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Whatever you want to do, I agree.”

　　Shen Ling blinked, “......???”

　　“Agree to what?” Shen Ling asked. He’s not thinking about… you know… some midday fun in the carriage, is he? That would be so inappropriate, and someone could overhear—what a disaster.

　　Xie Yuanxun let go of her and scooted her to the side, then got up from the bed. “You wanted to ride horses, didn’t you? Let’s go.”

　　“Ah?”

　　—Ride… ride horses?!

　　—Wait, ride horses? When did I ever say I wanted to ride with him?

　　Unless… she did want to ride?

　　Xie Yuanxun smirked. “What, you don’t want to go? Then why were you sitting on me just now?”

　　“……No, I do want to go.”

　　“I knew it.” His tone was full of little smug satisfaction.

　　—Tch!

　　—But actually… riding horses does sound kinda fun. Sitting on the saddle, urging the horse forward, whipping the reins, feeling that breezy, carefree freedom… just thinking about it makes you a little giddy. Hehe.

　　When she finally saw the horse, Shen Ling instantly sobered up from her dizzy, half-drunk haze. There was only one horse—the black one Xie Yuanxun always rode. The horse snorted loudly as if greeting her, and Shen Ling got blasted with a hot puff of air across her face.

　　“……Ugh.”

　　—Too enthusiastic, I can’t handle this.

　　Shen Ling had assumed they’d ride together, but of course, she was wrong. Xie Yuanxun swung up onto the saddle, and just as she reached out, planning to grab his hand so he could help her onto the horse, he tossed a lead rope into her palm instead.

　　Shen Ling looked up at him: Kid, what are you even thinking?

　　He said, “I see you’re not all that keen on riding. Then don’t. I’ll ride, and you can just lead the horse.”

　　“……”

　　—Why don’t you just loop the rope around your own neck instead!

　　Her eyes went dead. She really didn’t want to look at him.

　　—Is this the gap between us? You’re shameless on a whole new level. Who in their right mind lets a guy ride while a girl leads the horse? I’m so vexed right now—vexed enough that I feel like dragging you off the saddle and burying you in a hole!

　　Xie Yuanxun laughed, “Hahahahaha.”

　　Shen Ling, “……”

　　—Why aren’t you making the gagagaga laugh sound? That’s so much better, gagagaga, ga, ga ga, gagagaga!

　　Shen Ling lifted her foot to move forward. Fine, she’d lead the horse herself—who cares? Xie Yuanxun was such a little brat, acting all childish. But as soon as she tried, he pinched the horse’s sides, urging the black horse forward, then bent down and scooped the unprepared Shen Ling straight into his arms.

　　“You really thought I’d let you lead the horse?” Xie Yuanxun said.

　　Shen Ling froze, completely dumbfounded.

　　—Ah, so it’s not really leading the horse, or is it fake? You literally just tossed the lead rope into my hand!

　　She had been all set to play the temporary horse handler, and now he turned around and admitted it was a trick. Shen Ling genuinely wanted to assassinate him right then.

　　“Why are you so easy to trick?” Xie Yuanxun asked.

　　“……”

　　—You’re the one who’s easy to trick!

　　—This is hopeless. What’s wrong with the world now? The trickster blames the gullible for being fooled? Are you even human?    

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

　　—Of course I don’t want to talk to you!

　　Shen Ling looked at him with a face that screamed “I give up on life” and muttered, “It’s windy. Talking would just fill my mouth with wind. Uncomfortable.”

　　“Wind? Where? I don’t feel any,” Xie Yuanxun said.

　　Shen Ling replied numbly, “There is, but it already blew past, that’s why you didn’t feel it.”

　　—Tell me, who’s really the gullible one here?

　　—You actually bought that flimsy excuse? Wait, you believe me? You’re not just teasing, are you?

　　Shen Ling squinted at him suspiciously.

　　Xie Yuanxun raised an eyebrow. “You being all serious while talking nonsense is kind of cute.”

　　Shen Ling, “……”    

　　—Damn it, you were teasing me!

　　Shen Ling’s face darkened instantly. Her body went stiff as she flopped into his arms, trying to press her full weight onto him. With a deadpan expression, she said, “Go ahead and start riding.”

　　Xie Yuanxun burst out laughing and ruffled her hair. “What a temper.”

　　Shen Ling, “???”

　　What temper? Could he talk any more nonsense? She shoved his hands away with all her strength. Her head was practically being mashed into a nest of hair under his fingers.

　　Ever since Xie Yuanxun had taken Shen Ling out riding, quite a few people had joined them—guys and girls in groups, filling the trail with laughter and chatter.

　　But the trendsetters themselves, Xie Yuanxun and Shen Ling, never went out riding again. Shen Ling really didn’t want to face everyone’s praise of her ‘beauty tofu’ act or those quietly resentful glances.

　　Xie Yuanxun wrinkled his nose. “It stinks out there.”    

　　Shen Ling ignored him. What’s so bad about stinky tofu? That smell didn’t just fill the stomach, it could make a person rich. From the letters Liu Yun sent back, this so-called ‘beauty tofu’ was selling like crazy in the Capital.

　　Seeing how utterly disgusted Xie Yuanxun looked, Shen Ling said, “Why don’t you just follow the crowd and try some? Who knows, you might even end up liking it.” She remembered he had barely touched it once and never again.

　　Xie Yuanxun scoffed, “Who’s following the crowd?”

　　Shen Ling rolled her eyes. “...Fine, I get it. Nobody can make you compromise.”

　　Xie Yuanxun looked perfectly satisfied. “Isn’t that just stating the obvious?”

　　Just then, Xue Mi’er arrived, carrying a plate of ‘beauty tofu.’ The familiar aroma hit them both. Xie Yuanxun remained completely indifferent, and Shen Ling was speechless. Seeing Xue Mi’er’s nervous expression, Shen Ling wanted to ask what kind of luck this girl had to be caught in this situation.

　　Xue Mi’er had brought it especially for Shen Ling. She even had her chef prepare extra toppings, making it far tastier than the first batch of stinky tofu that had been circulating. She had come in high spirits, but the moment she noticed Xie Yuanxun’s displeasure, she went completely quiet, too scared to say a word.

　　Xie Yuanxun said sternly, “Take it away. Don’t bring it here again.”

　　Xue Mi’er trembled, “Y-Yes, Your Majesty...”

　　The moment she left, Xie Yuanxun stuffed some of the snacks into Shen Ling’s mouth, her eyes following Xue Mi’er as she walked away. “You’re not allowed to eat anymore either. If you eat and end up smelling, we’ll see what happens. Don’t you understand the principle of ¹‘you are what you eat’? You can’t just eat whatever you want.”

　　Shen Ling blinked, “Wait… isn’t ‘you are what you eat’ supposed to mean something else?”

　　Xie Yuanxun paused and asked, “So are you trying to get darker?”

　　Shen Ling had no words. “......”

 

________________

Glossary:

¹‘You are what you eat’ — a proverb that usually means your diet affects your health or appearance, not that your literal smell changes, as joked about here. 

Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter