The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 46: This “Candied Fruit” Is Not Ordinary…

　　Hearing the two men scream, Shen Ling nearly loosened her grip and fell. Their shrieks were so high and sharp, like dolphin squeals. Her eardrums were practically about to burst, okay! Shen Ling’s expression turned a little strange. Who said only women could hit dolphin notes? Men could do it too.

　　She tilted her head to look at them. The two of them were tall and burly, solidly built, with rough, imposing faces. Honestly, Shen Ling felt like they could be sent straight to a boxing ring to put on a show. Such strong, rugged men who looked like they could wrestle wild horses, yet here they were going “ahh ahhh ahhhhhhh” in fear of ghosts. What kind of strange creatures were they?

　　While Shen Ling was still baffled, the two men started trembling and ended up clinging to each other.

　　Shen Ling felt like her stomach had just swallowed sulfuric acid. “......”

　　—They! Hugged! Each! Other!!

　　—I’m blind. I’m blind!

　　“Scary!”

　　“You saw it too, right? That really was… a ghost?”

　　“Open your eyes and check if it’s gone.”

　　“I can’t! You go look. M-my teeth are chattering…” The man’s voice shook along with his teeth.

　　Shen Ling was completely speechless. The two of them were crouched on the ground, clinging to each other. Anyone who didn’t know better might think they were two little chicks huddling together for warmth. She never expected them to be afraid of ghosts. Shen Ling had only meant to avoid them, but this unexpected turn of events was quite the pleasant surprise.

　　Shen Ling pondered for a moment. Maybe she could make use of this “ghost” situation and stir things up a little. No, not just stir things up. She could take them all down in one sweep!

　　Shen Ling was thinking so seriously that she missed the timing to land. As a result, the rope she was swinging on carried her drifting back again.

　　The two men: “!!!”

　　Shen Ling called out mischievously, “Return my life to me, wuuu…”

　　They shrieked again in full dolphin pitch, “Aaaaah! A ghost!!!”

　　—Hahahaha!

　　—Hahahahahahaha!

　　“A ghost!!!”

　　—Alright, alright, I hear you. We all know you’re scared of ghosts. Stop screaming already.

　　—But why are you two so scared when you see me? Sure, I’m a ghost, but even ghosts have different levels of beauty. Why can’t you just treat me like ¹Nie Xiaoqian? The way you’re reacting makes me feel like I belong to the Kayako or Sadako category.

　　—Then again, if you really think about it, your reaction is the normal one. The real weirdos are the ones who fall in love with ghosts. Different species and they still want romance?

　　“Aaaaah! A ghost!!!”

　　Amid their shrill screams, Shen Ling finally landed on the ground. She stood there quietly, hands slipping behind her back without anyone noticing.

　　—My hands are definitely red from the rope.

　　—Figures. Not just anyone can pull off acting cool.

　　Shen Ling lowered her voice. She had wanted to imitate a ghostly voice, but there wasn’t any reference in her mind. So she turned to the next best thing and copied Xie Yuanxun’s cold, chilling tone.

　　“You must repay me with your lives…”

　　“I get stepped on by you people every single day. I want to peel your skin, drain your blood, and eat your flesh…”

　　“Waaah… sob…”

　　The two men suddenly felt another cold gust brushing the backs of their necks.

　　“Aaaaah! It wasn’t me who killed you! Don’t come after me!”

　　“Spare me! Please spare me! I’ll burn incense for you tomorrow and build you a grave. I have elders above me and children below me. Please spare my life!”

　　The two of them begged in terror, trembling all over. They were this scared because their hands had already been stained with blood. Hearing what this “ghost” was saying, even though they didn’t know who she was, it sounded like she had clearly died because of them. How could they not be terrified? They were scared out of their wits.

　　Shen Ling said quietly, “One of you must die and come down to keep me company. Keep me company…”

　　As she spoke, her body slowly drifted toward them. It looked like she was floating, but in reality Shen Ling was taking quick little steps, her feet shuffling forward. It was night, their vision was poor, and they were already scared half to death from thinking they had encountered a ghost, so they didn’t notice anything strange.

　　All they could think was that this “ghost” really was a ghost. She was floating!

　　“Take him, take him! He doesn’t have a family to take care of!” One of the men desperately shoved the other forward.

　　Shen Ling slowly closed in. The man being pushed forward was so frightened that he wet his pants, then rolled his eyes back and fainted on the spot.

　　“Look, he didn’t even object! He must be willing to go down and keep you company. Wuuuu… go take him, just let me go!”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　—Wow, that’s some top tier teammate betrayal.

　　Shen Ling said coldly, “No. I want you.”

　　Hearing that, terror crawled from the man’s heels straight to the top of his head.    

　　“Click click click, your yang energy is stronger than his. If I take it from you, my power will grow another level,” Shen Ling said.

　　The man froze in terror. He didn’t even care that he was facing his worst nightmare—a ghost. Clutching at what he thought was a lifeline, he stammered, “I—I can’t. I’m kidney-deficient, I… I have premature ejaculation, sometimes even impotence. I don’t have the yang energy you want. I don’t. Eating me… it won’t work.”

　　Shen Ling went silent, “......”

　　She had just made up some nonsense about strong yang energy, and he blew out this juicy confession: kidney deficiency? Premature ejaculation? And impotence?!

　　—Ugh, my ears are dirty now!

　　Shen Ling snarled, “Even so, I’m still going to take you. Who told you not to pass out? I’m going to twist off your head and suck your marrow.”

　　She continued closing in. The closer she got, the more she could smell the fresh stench of urine. Shen Ling nearly lost it. Hadn’t someone already peed out of fear? Why did it smell even stronger now? She looked carefully and saw the man who claimed kidney deficiency follow the same pattern as the one before: scared, peed himself, then fainted.

　　Shen Ling bent down, picked up a few stones from the ground, and tossed them at the two unconscious men. When they didn’t move, she confirmed they were truly out cold.

　　Shen Ling walked over and gave each of them a few kicks, pinching her nose as she laughed, “They say if you’ve done nothing wrong, you shouldn’t fear ghosts. So tell me, how many truly heartless things have you done to be scared like this?”

　　She hadn’t expected her ghost act to work this well. If they’d been just a little braver, they might’ve realized something was off. But thinking about it carefully, the effect made sense. In modern times, superstition is largely broken, but back then, people truly believed in ancestors, ghosts, and hell. That’s why curses would mention sending someone to the eighteen levels of hell, or becoming a ghost to take revenge.

　　The two men’s screams were getting pretty loud. On the other side, Aunt Wang and the others were waking from their sleep. Shen Ling could see firelight flickering in their rooms. They’d arrive soon.

　　Holding her breath against the stench, Shen Ling dragged the two men into the shadows, stacking them on top of each other. Her movements were rough and far from gentle, but people like them didn’t deserve kindness.

　　Before going inside, Shen Ling noticed Shitou, who she had knocked out earlier, outside. She decided to drag him into a room too, so that Aunt Wang and the others would take a little longer to realize the commotion tonight was her doing. She tossed him into a corner of the room and then went over to wake Xie Yuanxun.

　　Xie Yuanxun opened his eyes. “Hm?”

　　Shen Ling had originally planned to go on and on about how she had just scared those two men senseless, showing off her skills to him. But when she heard Xie Yuanxun’s low, slightly sexy voice, all her bragging spirit just whooshed away. She bounced over and helped him up, completely distracted.

　　Puffed up with pride, she said, “I know exactly how to catch them all in one go.”

　　She was going to take him flying, go full guerrilla mode!

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “How?”

　　Shen Ling grinned mysteriously. “By pretending to be a ghost.”

　　Xie Yuanxun blinked. “...”

　　She tugged him toward the door. “Don’t worry. I’ve already tested it. This method works perfectly.”

　　Xie Yuanxun wasn’t exactly excited about it, but he took the job Shen Ling gave him seriously. She handled the scaring, he handled knocking people out. Shen Ling didn’t expect everyone to faint from fear—some wouldn’t, and for those, only physical methods would do.

　　First, Aunt Wang and the others heard blood-curdling screams. Lanterns in hand, they rushed over and found two nasty stains on the ground. Getting closer, they caught the smell of urine. One of the men, who shared a room with the ones responsible for the mess, muttered, “They were going to the toilet. How did this happen on the way?”

　　Aunt Wang’s face turned grim. “Not good! Those two...” She was too anxious to see what had happened over here, and in her rush she didn’t notice that Shitou outside Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun’s room were missing. She led everyone inside and finally spotted the knocked-out men, but Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun were nowhere in sight.

　　She said darkly, “So it’s them messing around. Split up and search. They haven’t gone far. We must find them.”

　　Shen Ling watched as the group scattered. She spotted one man walking alone, Dazhu. She and Xie Yuanxun crept closer. Mimicking what they’d done before, she began acting like a ghost. Luckily, there was a well nearby. Shen Ling stood beside it, looking like she had just crawled out of the water, her gaze locked on him. Dazhu met her eyes, and without her saying a word, he let out a terrified “Ah!” and fainted on the spot.

　　Shen Ling paused, “......”

　　She looked at Xie Yuanxun and asked sincerely, “Are all men this afraid of ghosts?”

　　—Actually, what I really want to ask is whether you are afraid.

　　Xie Yuanxun stayed calm. “No, I’m not. Don’t overthink it.”

　　Shen Ling nodded, “Oh, okay.”

　　—Makes sense, actually. Ghosts come from people. You don’t even fear villains, because you’re fiercer than any villain. Why would you be afraid of ghosts? Maybe even the ghosts would be scared of you. And besides, whether ghosts even exist in this world is still up for debate.

　　Following a careful “retreat when the enemy advances, pursue when the enemy retreats” strategy, Shen Ling led Xie Yuanxun through the group. Gradually, only Aunt Wang and Mazi remained undefeated. Everyone else had fainted from fear.

　　Mazi looked at the bodies on the ground, his teeth chattering. “A-Auntie Wang… there’s no way there’s some… filthy thing, right?”

　　Aunt Wang was scared too, but she couldn’t show it. If she did, Mazi would probably ditch her and run off—there was no way a woman like her could outrun a man that big.

　　She scolded him sharply, “Nonsense! There’s nothing dirty here. It’s just a trick pulled by the two people we brought back today! A little game! If there really was something like that, how could it only appear today?”

　　“A-Auntie Wang…”

　　“Enough, don’t pull on my arm! The more I think about it, the more I’m sure they’re up to something. I knew they weren’t well-behaved. I shouldn’t have let them go hungry. I should have given them the meal with the sedatives already.”

　　“M-Wang… d-d-d…” Mazi’s teeth rattled.

　　Aunt Wang shifted the blame onto Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun, and her fear eased a bit. She glared at Mazi, annoyed, “What are you even doing? You’re almost ripping my arm off!”

　　Mazi stared straight ahead, stammering, “Y-you… look in front.”

　　Aunt Wang followed his gaze, “What’s… in front…” The next second, her mouth was chattering just like Mazi’s.

　　“Ahhh! There’s really a ghost!” The two of them saw Shen Ling dangling from the rope, like she was hanging herself. Her feet were off the ground, and as if she heard a noise, her body slowly turned toward them, a chilling smile spreading across her face. “It’s your turn now.”

　　Aunt Wang and Mazi were braver than the others, so they didn’t faint immediately. Instead, they spun around and bolted. Shen Ling, “……”

　　“Cough, cough, cough.” Shen Ling shook her hands, “Alright, put me down now.”

　　Xie Yuanxun was perched on the beam. He slowly lowered the rope tied around Shen Ling’s waist. Once her feet touched the ground, he jumped down himself.

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “What do we do now? They ran off.”

　　Shen Ling grinned, “It’s fine, we’ll chase them. There are only the two of them left anyway, so we can take them down directly. Two versus two, nothing to worry about.”

　　Shen Ling grinned, her face deliberately blackened with charcoal, making her look vicious and far scarier than a real ghost.

　　Xie Yuanxun murmured, “No wonder they ran so fast.”

　　Shen Ling raised an eyebrow. “What did you say?”

　　“Nothing,” he replied.

　　Aunt Wang and Mazi had been scared off by Shen Ling’s disguise. When Shen Ling came chasing them with a stick, they finally realized there was no ghost. Aunt Wang, fuming, tried to turn the tables and subdue Shen Ling, but a few swings of the stick left her dazed. She could only clutch her head and run wildly. Xie Yuanxun stood to the side, perfectly blocking their escape route.

　　They ran ahead while Shen Ling chased from behind, each swing of the stick landing relentlessly. Aunt Wang was on the verge of tears. She had thought she’d kidnapped two valuable captives worth a fortune, but instead, she got two devils! One blocking the exit, the other swinging a stick—she felt like her back was about to bruise, and she couldn’t even stop!

　　The moment she hesitated, Shen Ling hit even harder!

　　She could only run, and even if she slowed down, Shen Ling kept swinging without missing a beat.

　　Aunt Wang was on the verge of a breakdown. Gasping for breath, she shouted, “What do you want from me? When will you let me go!”

　　Shen Ling yelled even louder, “Not letting go!”

　　—If you’ve got the guts to kidnap us, then you better be ready to fully enjoy the payback I’m giving you!

　　Aunt Wang’s pace faltered more and more, and eventually, she and Mazi both collapsed. It was hard to tell whether they were knocked out by Shen Ling or just passed out from running, but either way, unconscious was good enough.

　　Shen Ling wiped the sweat off her forehead. Today had been way too exhausting. She said, “They’re all out cold, but not in one place. We need to drag them together, tie them up with the rope, and pile them up. It’s too late now. Tomorrow morning, we’ll take them to the authorities.”

　　Xie Yuanxun raised an eyebrow with a hint of disgust. “You want me to drag them?”

　　Shen Ling sighed. “...Fine, you stay here. I’ll go drag them.”        

　　She’d forgotten one thing—Xie Yuanxun wouldn’t even bother chasing them down with a stick, let alone stoop to touching them with his hands. Fine, she’d handle the labor herself.

　　While Shen Ling was busy, Xie Yuanxun leaned against the wall, tapping the wood stick against it absentmindedly. Watching her clumsy attempts to tie people up, he finally spoke, giving pointers on where to bind so they couldn’t move and which knots would hold best.

　　Shen Ling blinked. “How do you know all this? Who taught you?”

　　Xie Yuanxun shot her a glance that basically said, Seriously, you need someone to teach you something this simple?

　　Shen Ling was speechless.

　　—Sorry, okay, it’s just that simple, I really don't know how!

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “What are you going to do about the people in that room?” He meant the group led by the green-clothed girl.

　　Shen Ling said, “Forget about them. With all the noise we’ve made over here, they’re either deaf or they’ve heard it. If they’re smart, they’ll leave. Tonight, we rest here, and tomorrow we hand this group of traffickers over to the authorities. Maybe we’ll even get a reward. Oh, and this house too—I’ll find the deed later and transfer it to our names. That way, before Senior Eunuch Feng shows up, we already have a free place to stay.” Thinking like that, Aunt Wang and the others were basically just tools—giving them both experience and a little extra fortune.

　　Shen Ling looked absolutely pleased with herself. After tying everyone up, she was about to go find a room to rest when Xie Yuanxun brought his hands together, casually tossed his stick aside, and it landed right on Dazhu’s face, leaving a red mark.

　　Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun went to rest, while in another room, the green-clothed girl and the others were on edge.

　　“There’s no noise outside anymore.”

　　“Who won? Can we go out?”

　　“Should be fine. I didn’t hear any men's voices.”

　　“Then we go out?”

　　“Yeah, but who goes first?”

　　“......”

　　“............”

　　The green-clothed girl gritted her teeth and said, “I’ll go!” Then she added, “But you all have to stay close. Don’t leave me alone.”

　　“Okay, we’ll go with you.”

　　They stepped out cautiously, trembling with every step. They didn’t see anyone along the way. When they reached the open space in front of the main gate and saw the group of people piled up and unmoving, they nearly screamed—but the fear they still felt for these people kept them silent. When they were first kidnapped, they’d have cried and screamed, only to be beaten or denied food and water.

　　One of the girls whispered, “They… they’re all tied up.”

　　The green-clothed girl’s eyes lit up. “They’re tied up? That’s perfect! Now we can escape. Come on, let’s go!”

　　“Should we go get the girl who opened the door for us and take her with us?”

　　The green-clothed girl froze for a moment, then said, “No, we won’t go. These people were probably tied up by her. She can handle them on her own without us.” She paused, then added, “Let’s just check the ropes. If any of them aren’t tied tightly, we’ll redo them. My family runs a grain shop, so I know a bit about tying sacks. Tying sacks and tying people shouldn’t be that different. That way, even if she leaves, these people won’t break free, and she won’t be in danger. We’ll just consider it a favor she did for us.”

　　Once she said that, none of the other girls dared argue, even if they were scared or reluctant.

　　They braved their fear and checked the knots. The green-clothed girl couldn’t help but wonder: the way these ropes were tied was even better than what she knew?

　　The next morning, Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun woke up. Shen Ling rubbed her stomach, feeling a bit hungry and ready for breakfast. She nudged Xie Yuanxun. “So… who’s going to make us something to eat?”

　　Xie Yuanxun asked calmly, “You’re hungry?”

　　Shen Ling nodded obediently. “Yeah, I’m hungry.”

　　Xie Yuanxun turned to look at her. “I’m not.”

　　Shen Ling waited a moment. “So…?”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Then whoever’s hungry can go make something to eat.”

　　Shen Ling paused. “……”

　　—Okay, fair enough, but couldn’t you just spoil me and say you’d make it for me? When you sleep next to me, you’re all cozy and hugging me. You had the nerve to do that, so why not this too?

　　Shen Ling headed into the kitchen. She found some ingredients, but honestly, she wasn’t much of a cook. Being pampered after coming here hadn’t helped either—she didn’t even know how to start a fire. In the end, she grabbed some carrots and a few other vegetables and put together a simple salad.

　　Just as she was about to take it out, she noticed a ceramic jar for boiling herbs, with a few scattered pieces of charcoal nearby. Her eyes narrowed. She set the salad down, dashed back to her room to grab two stalks of the Coptis chinensis she’d found earlier, added some water, and started boiling it.    

　　Shen Ling set the finished salad on the table and called out, “Breakfast’s ready.”

　　Xie Yuanxun didn’t come out at first, so she called again. This time he appeared, coming in from outside with a food box in his hands. He opened it, and when Shen Ling’s shocked gaze met his, he said, “You said you were hungry, so eat.”

　　Shen Ling stared at the colorful, aromatic, and perfectly presented dishes, and after a moment, she asked, “Where… did all this come from?”

　　Xie Yuanxun was about to say the Shadow Guard had delivered it, but since Shen Ling didn’t know the Shadow Guard was following them yet, he said, “Someone sent it.”

　　Shen Ling pressed further. “Who sent it? A man or a woman? Did they ask you for anything in return? Did you lose out on anything?”

　　Xie Yuanxun glanced at her and casually said, “I found some silver under the bed and used it at the inn outside to have them make this food for you.”

　　Shen Ling just went “Oh…”

　　—So that was the stash the human traffickers had hidden for themselves.

　　—Well, that explains it, no problem there.

　　—Wait… still a problem. That ceramic jar in the kitchen is still boiling Coptis chinensis water…

　　Xie Yuanxun squinted at just the right moment. “What’s that smell?”

　　Shen Ling looked guilty, her eyes darting around. “J-just a little Coptis chinensis water, cough cough… well, I… I just didn’t want you to get a fever again, so when I saw the herbal cooking tools in the kitchen, I went ahead and boiled some for you.”

　　—Did I really want to say it was payback for making me go get food alone? If that were the case, I’d feel zero guilt. But you’re not like that, you went and brought me food anyway!

　　—Tsk, I acted impulsively.

　　Xie Yuanxun snorted.   

　　Shen Ling said dryly, “Actually, I added a lot of water, so it shouldn’t be too bitter.”

　　Xie Yuanxun stared at her.

　　Shen Ling fidgeted nervously, especially with the food he’d just bought sitting in front of her. She steeled herself and said, “I’ll drink it with you in a moment.”

　　—That should be enough, right?

　　—So stop staring at me. If you keep looking, my guilt’s going to bury me alive.

　　In the end, they each drank a bowl of the bitter water face-to-face. Xie Yuanxun was fine, just furrowing his brows a little, but Shen Ling's eyes almost rolled back from the bitterness. Damn it. She had thought this was just for Xie Yuanxun, so she’d added very little water at first. She told him she added more than she actually did, but later she did pour in a bit more. Even so, all the bitterness had already come out in the brew. No matter how much water she added, it couldn’t dilute that intense, lingering bitterness.

　　Xie Yuanxun leaned in and kissed Shen Ling, their lips tangling playfully, and when they pulled away, both of their mouths glistened with moisture.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Here’s your candied treat.”

　　Shen Ling’s eyes went wide, “!!!”

　　—Th-this… this ‘candied treat’ is way too flirtatious!

　　As Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun lingered there, analyzing and savoring their ‘candied treat,’ outside on the open yard, Aunt Wang and the others had woken up.

  

________________

Glossary:

¹Nie Xiaoqian is a famous beautiful female ghost from classical Chinese literature. She first appears in the Qing dynasty story collection Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio (聊斋志异) by Pu Songling.

Here’s the short version of the reference:

☘️ Nie Xiaoqian is a gentle, tragic ghost who looks extremely beautiful.

☘️ In her story, she falls in love with a human scholar and eventually gets saved from an evil demon controlling her.

☘️ Because of that story, in Chinese culture she became the iconic “beautiful ghost girl” archetype.

So in that line:

> “Why can’t you just treat me like Nie Xiaoqian?”

Shen Ling is basically joking:

“Even if I’m a ghost, I could be a pretty romantic ghost, not a horror movie ghost.”

Then she contrasts it with:

☘️ Kayako Saeki from Ju-On: The Grudge

☘️ Sadako Yamamura from Ring

☘️ Those two are terrifying horror ghosts.

So the joke is basically:

> “Why can’t you see me as a beautiful romantic ghost like Nie Xiaoqian instead of a nightmare horror ghost like Kayako or Sadako?”

It’s actually a pretty funny line once you know the reference 😆

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