The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 4: If Possible, She Really Wanted To Beat Him To Death

　　Shen Ling woke up and stayed still on the bed, mind blank as usual. It was her habit. But today was different. The moment a sharp sting hit her scalp, she turned her head expressionlessly, and there he was.

　　Xie Yuanxun was lying beside her, holding a strand of her hair in his hand. When he noticed she was awake, he tugged that strand again with practiced ease. “You’re awake.”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　Why did he look so skilled at this? Just how many times had he pulled her hair?!

　　Her face twisted with pain. Why hadn’t this horrible man gone to Court? Did he know how traumatic it was to open her eyes and immediately see his face? And worse, had he been pulling her hair ever since he woke up? She was starting to genuinely worry a chunk of her scalp was missing.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “You slept for a long time. I called you but you wouldn’t wake up.”

　　Shen Ling nervously asked, “How did Your Majesty call me?” Hopefully not the way she feared.

　　Xie Yuanxun tugged her hair again. “Like this.”

　　“......”

　　She was speechless. Since when did yanking someone’s hair count as waking them up?

　　—You bastard!

　　As if pulling her hair wasn’t stimulating enough, Xie Yuanxun released it and pointed toward the foot of the bed. “Look, she wanted to wake you too. She kept touching your foot.”

　　Shen Ling had indeed felt something cold touching her.

　　She lowered her gaze and saw the skin‑beauty’s two empty skin hands resting on her feet. With every gust of wind, those hands swayed slightly, as if gently stroking her.

　　Shen Ling’s first reaction was confusion. Wasn’t this thing supposed to be standing at the bedside?

　　Then came shock. How did it get onto the bed?

　　And finally, absolute horror. The damn thing was touching her foot!

　　“Ahhhhhh!”

　　Shen Ling shrieked and shot up from the bed, springing over Xie Yuanxun like a startled cat. She didn’t even bother with shoes. Barefoot, she bolted out of the Taiji Hall.

　　Xie Yuanxun, “Hahahahaha.”

　　Watching her screaming figure flee, he immediately burst into laughter. Senior Eunuch Feng entered to ask if they should bring Shen Ling back. Xie Yuanxun, laughing so hard he could barely breathe, waved his hand. “Haha, no need, she’ll come back on her own, hahahaha.”

　　Senior Eunuch Feng returned outside the hall. He recalled seeing Shen Guiren run out barefoot and had almost gone to seize her, thinking something terrible had happened. But then he heard the Emperor laughing. Remembering how the Emperor had suddenly ordered him to place the skin-beauty at Shen Guiren’s feet that morning, he figured that was why she had run away.

　　Senior Eunuch Feng couldn’t help but smile. Shen Guiren was probably just frightened, a little too timid.

　　Although he still didn’t understand why His Majesty was so unusually pleased with Shen Guiren, as long the Emperor was happy, then everything was fine.

　　Senior Eunuch Feng thought of the Emperor’s earlier laughter, his face filled with joy. It was the first time he had ever seen His Majesty laugh so freely at something other than killing people.

　　Shen Ling ran out of the Taiji Hall but quickly calmed down. She wanted to use this chance to pretend she was scared and run straight back to Chang Le Palace, but she suddenly hesitated.

　　Xie Yuanxun was a complete lunatic. If she ran too far, who knew what deranged thing he might do next? And more importantly, she had just abandoned the Emperor and fled. If Xie Yuanxun decided she was being disrespectful and killed her, she wouldn’t even have the chance to cry.

　　And knowing Xie Yuanxun, he absolutely would do it!

　　Between shamelessly begging for mercy and dying for dignity, Shen Ling naturally chose——to shamelessly beg.

　　She turned around and walked back to the Taiji Hall, her expression full of tragic resolve, her back a lonely silhouette.

　　Passing through the line of bowed palace servants, Shen Ling finally let out a sigh of relief.

　　—Luckily none of them could see my face, or my shame would’ve exploded through the roof!

　　As for the Senior Eunuch Feng, smiling at her with such a kind face, Shen Ling decided the sun was too bright to see him.

　　She entered the hall and saw Xie Yuanxun had already left the bed. She searched around and finally found him in the left room, holding a stack of memorials. Shen Ling thought he was being diligent with state affairs, until the next second, Xie Yuanxun tossed the papers to the ground.

　　—How blind must I have been to think he was being hardworking?

　　Shen Ling bent down to pick up a few of the papers. “Your Majesty, are you handling state affairs?” There were too many on the floor to pick up all at once, so she lazily grabbed a few just to look busy.

　　Xie Yuanxun nodded. “Yes.”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　—Shameless to the extreme. I accidentally peeked at a few of the papers while picking them up, and none of them had imperial edicts, just officials’ writing.

　　—He’s probably just throwing them around for fun.

　　Xie Yuanxun studied her expression and asked, “Weren’t you leaving? Why are you back?”

　　Shen Ling patted her chest and said with a fearful look, “Your Majesty, I’m fine until you mention it. Once you bring it up, I get scared.”

　　Xie Yuanxun, unusually curious, asked, “Scared of what?”

　　Shen Ling’s expression softened, her eyes shy yet filled with affection as she looked at him.

　　“I dreamt last night that some beauty was trying to take Your Majesty from me. This morning, when I saw that… skin beauty, I got scared she’d try to steal Your Majesty from me. Even though Your Majesty is mine, I felt so anxious that I wanted to run back to Chang Le Palace and cry.” She gracefully posed, hand to her heart like ¹Xi Shi in a classic gesture.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “I’m yours? You sure know how to dream.”

　　Shen Ling showed a heartbroken look on her face, all while rolling her eyes silently inside.

　　—Go to hell.

　　—If I weren’t scared you’d punish me for ditching you and running off, would I ever say something that gross?

　　Hearing her thoughts, Xie Yuanxun suddenly grabbed her hand and yanked her straight into his arms. He patted the top of her head like she was a puppy. “Tell me, are you stupid? If you’re scared someone will steal me, why don’t you just join in? Two people can’t have as much fun as three!”

　　Shen Ling’s whole body went stiff, completely frozen. With her back to him, her face twisted in silent horror.

　　—What kind of top-tier scumbag is Xie Yuanxun supposed to be!

　　—If I could beat him, I’d smash his brain to pieces!

　　She was utterly despairing. Especially because such shameless nonsense came out of his mouth so naturally that she actually felt defeated by how disgustingly skilled he was.

　　—In the realm of disgusting men, I willingly call you the strongest!

　　She remained limp in his arms, her spirit long gone. Seeing her like that, Xie Yuanxun pinched her cheeks. Pinching wasn’t enough, so he touched her neck too. His breath ghosted along her skin, sending a chill through her whole body. Being squished in the face was fine, but him touching her neck felt like pure horror.

　　Shen Ling picked up a memorial from the table, the one she had set aside earlier. In the most gentle voice she could muster, she said, “Your Majesty, am I disturbing you by being here?”

　　Xie Yuanxun replied, “Mm. A bit.”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　—He actually admitted it?! Isn’t he supposed to say I’m not disturbing him?!

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “You’re so clingy. The entire couch is covered by you.”

　　Shen Ling grit her teeth. She kept reminding herself not to act on impulse. If she killed the Emperor, she wouldn’t survive either. And what if she failed to kill him and died instead? She’d be furious even in the afterlife.

　　But she was still so mad!

　　—Me, clingy? Please. Think carefully about who pulled me into their arms in the first place!

　　—And what do you mean the whole couch is covered by me? Do I look that fat to you? I swear I could beat this dog of a man to death. Doesn’t he know you never call a woman fat?! Oh heavens, can’t you open your eyes and drop a lightning bolt on him already?!

　　Shen Ling opened the memorial and smiled. “Your Majesty, I’ve never seen you write an imperial comment before. I’m sure it must be quite captivating.”

　　—If it could keep you busy until your hair falls out, that would be even more captivating.

　　Xie Yuanxun studied her smiling face. She said all the right things, but her thoughts were wonderfully wicked, stupidly wicked, and extremely entertaining.

　　He took the memorial, glanced through it, picked up a brush, wrote his comment, then tossed the memorial into Shen Ling’s arms.

　　He finished that fast? Curious, Shen Ling opened it to check his response. It read: Kill them all.

　　Those cruel words were his style.

　　Shen Ling noticed that the memorial was signed by Minister Qu. The content boiled down to a single line: the disaster relief funds were suspected to have been embezzled, but he had no knowledge of it.

　　Embezzling funds meant for disaster relief? Did people even have a conscience anymore? The common folk were the foundation of a nation, and they remembered everything the Court did to them.

　　Although Shen Ling always called Xie Yuanxun a maniacal, murderous psycho, most of the people he killed were officials and noble families. She had never seen him kill civilians for fun. Still, she didn’t consider him a benevolent Emperor. From what she knew of him, not killing commoners was probably just because he didn’t find it as entertaining as killing officials and nobles.

　　If he actually cared for the people, the entire Da Liang Dynasty wouldn’t have been left without an heir after his death.

　　In any case, Shen Ling was quite satisfied with Xie Yuanxun’s comment on Minister Qu’s memorial.

　　Xie Yuanxun was a little surprised by her reaction. He knew that his words would lead to many deaths. He had assumed she’d be terrified, but instead she seemed oddly pleased.

　　He frowned.

　　Wasn’t she timid? Even a single piece of skin would scare her silly. Why wasn’t she scared now? Strange.

　　Shen Ling: “......”

　　Xie Yuanxun’s authority over the Da Liang Dynasty was absolute. The moment he issued his comment on Minister Qu’s memorial, the Court immediately executed it without hesitation. Not only was the Governor of Bohai County summoned to the Capital for interrogation and sentencing, but all officials involved in the matter were imprisoned, exiled, or executed. Blood ran through the market streets. Officials under Minister Qu celebrated, while many under Prime Minister Yang died, and his expression soured every time he left the Court.

　　Seated in the carriage, Prime Minister Yang suppressed his grim expression, keeping his face calm.

　　He wasn't truly saddened by the deaths of his officials, though he was somewhat surprised that the Emperor had ordered the killings. After all, the last time Minister Qu had spoken out in Court, the Emperor had not pursued the matter. Even though Prime Minister Yang didn’t fully understand, he hadn’t thought to inquire further in the Palace.

　　He did not want to die.

　　Their Emperor was ruthless when it came to killing.

　　Hearing the commotion ahead, Prime Minister Yang lifted the curtain and peered out. He saw the Minister of Personnel, Shen Kangzheng surrounded by a crowd. He narrowed his eyes.

　　These past days, he’d been so tangled up in the disaster relief funds that he’d overlooked a certain favored Shen Guiren in the Emperor’s harem. The Emperor summoned her to bed every night.

　　If he remembered correctly, this Shen Guiren was Shen Kangzheng’s daughter. No wonder everyone was congratulating him.

　　It wasn’t unusual for Emperors to favor consorts, but this Emperor? It was shocking. This Shen Guiren must be really capable.

　　Prime Minister Yang didn’t dare provoke Xie Yuanxun, and he knew his daughter in the Palace didn’t dare either, keeping to herself like a quail. If this Shen Guiren had the Emperor’s favor, perhaps he should ask Shen Kangzheng for tips and relay them to his own daughter so she could form an alliance with the favored consort?

　　The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed. He had his servants carry him in a sedan chair to Shen Kangzheng’s Manor.

　　Shen Kangzheng, being questioned by Prime Minister Yang about his daughter’s secret to winning the Emperor’s favor, was speechless.

　　He knew nothing!

　　He was also shocked that his daughter, whom he had only recently retrieved, had gained the Emperor’s favor. He and Madam Jiang had assumed Shen Ling would never pass the Palace selection, but she became a Shen Guiren. He simply didn’t understand his daughter at all!

　　Of course, Shen Kangzheng couldn’t say this to Prime Minister Yang. That would offend him. He still had some common sense.

　　So Shen Kangzheng just spoke about Shen Xi. After all, Shen Xi and Shen Ling were both his daughters; there was no difference.

　　By the time he saw Prime Minister Yang off, Shen Kangzheng’s mouth was dry from talking.

　　He went to the back courtyard to find Madam Jiang. “Madam, our daughter has done well!”

　　Madam Jiang smiled. “Master, you mean…… Xi’er?”

　　Xi'er had recently learned embroidery quite well; she had really made something of herself. You know, when they had made Xi'er learn embroidery as a child, she always complained about the pain and refused. Now she had finally grown up, become sensible, and was willing to learn.

　　Shen Kangzheng said dreamily, “No, Ling’er! She’s been appointed a Guiren by the Emperor, enjoying his favor. Prime Minister Yang even came to ask me about her. From the moment Ling’er returned, I knew she wasn’t an ordinary girl. I wasn’t wrong……”

　　Madam Jiang clutched her handkerchief, listening stiffly to Shen Kangzheng’s excited words.

　　Madam Jiang never imagined that Shen Ling, whom she had despised, would become a Guiren in the Palace and be so favored! If she hadn’t still had her senses, she would have almost blurted out that the Emperor was brainless, which could have led to the execution of her entire family.

________________

Glossary:　

¹ “Xi Shi’s Heart Pains” (Xi Zi Peng Xin): A famous depiction of Xi Zi shows her pressing her hands lightly to her chest to express a pained or sorrowful heart. According to legend, even when she frowned in heartache, she was still regarded as extraordinarily beautiful.

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