The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 6: Crocodile Tears

　　“Is that so?” Xie Yuanxun expressionlessly let go of her. He lifted the fingers that had just touched her chin and casually wiped them on her clothes.

　　Shen Ling: “......”

　　—Heh, I didn’t even mind that your big manly hands were dirty, and yet you complain about my face being dirty? Are your hands inlaid with gold and silver or something? If you’re so talented, then don’t touch!

　　He stared at her without saying a word. Shen Ling’s bravado instantly softened. She knew he couldn’t possibly hear the thoughts running in her head, but why did it feel like he could see straight through her? Xie Yuanxun brushed past her and sat down on her lounge chair, then started eating the grapes that were originally meant for her.

　　Shen Ling’s eyes locked onto him eating her food. Her rebellious little hand itched to smack him. Forget it. She couldn’t win anyway. She forced herself to look away before she got even angrier.

　　She slowly scooted closer to him. From the corner of her eye, she noticed the two performers on stage breaking out in cold sweat. She knew they were terrified of Xie Yuanxun. Honestly, who wasn’t? Even she was scared! Because the script they performed earlier wasn’t the original one. It was the version she had modified… the one where the husband was vicious, and the wife was even more vicious.

　　“Your Majesty, you don’t know… I was just crying over the husband in the story. He married a venomous wife who ruined him. He was so pitiful. Watching her torment him made me so furious I almost rushed up to stop her. Her cruelty gave me chills even in broad daylight.”

　　“You cried? What I saw was you laughing.” Xie Yuanxun pulled her to his side, feeding her a grape as he answered.

　　Shen Ling chewed the grape.

　　—You didn’t see wrong, I really am laughing, and laughing quite happily too.

　　She didn’t deny it. She had been laughing. She took another bite of the fruit he stuffed into her mouth and said vaguely, “My face was laughing, but my heart was crying. I didn’t want others to see my weakness, so I used laughter to hide my true feelings.”

　　—Not a chance.

　　—Anyone who believes me is a fool.

　　Shen Ling looked up at him with hopeful eyes. She’d spoken so sincerely… surely he’d believe her, right? Her acting was pretty good! Also, her mouth was already full. Please stop feeding her!

　　If she didn’t do something, she was genuinely going to be force-fed until her mouth and stomach ached. So she flipped the situation and fed him instead. Xie Yuanxun looked at her smiling face, and just as she wished, opened his mouth and ate what she offered… then bit down on her fingers and refused to let go.

　　As soon as he finally let go, Shen Ling lifted her poor finger with a tremble. There was now a fresh bite mark on it. Ouch.

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “What do you want to say?”

　　Shen Ling looked at him with utmost sincerity and said, “Your Majesty… your teeth are really something.”

　　—Are you a dog or what? My finger hurts like hell from your bite. If you like biting so much, I should’ve used a plate to feed you instead. Maybe then all your precious teeth would’ve cracked right off!

　　Xie Yuanxun chuckled softly, then pulled her into his arms and went straight for her face with his teeth. Shen Ling completely froze. Why was her face being bitten now? Just thinking about her throbbing finger made her want to fake a sob and beg for mercy. Her face would definitely hurt if he bit it…

　　But then she realized—his bite didn’t hurt at all. He wasn’t biting, he was… nibbling. More like gently holding her cheek and pecking at it.

　　It felt exactly like a baby sucking on a pacifier. Shen Ling fell apart on the inside. What kind of cursed comparison was that?! What baby was this aggressive?!

　　Still, she tried to find joy in her suffering. If he was the baby, that made her the pacifier. Didn’t that mean her face was soft and tender? Honestly… she wasn’t even mad about that part. Hehe.

　　Only after smearing her whole cheek in saliva did Xie Yuanxun stop. He didn’t stop her from wiping her face, just said, “They’ve stopped. If you want to keep watching, tell them to continue.”

　　Shen Ling calmly wiped herself down. She suddenly felt he was surprisingly well‑behaved. He didn’t get angry when she wiped her face. She thought he’d lash out, but he was actually quite… rational?

　　Then her expression froze.

　　Oh no.

　　Oh no no no.

　　Had she actually lowered the bar for him this much? Praising him for not throwing a tantrum was like applauding a kid who causes chaos every day but happens to behave once. The more she thought about it, the more her scalp tingled. That comparison made her stomach churn a little.

　　“Is there anything Your Majesty wishes to watch?” Shen Ling asked. Xie Yuanxun was her big boss after all. Gotta ask the boss first—she did have basic survival instincts.

　　“No. I don’t care for such boring things.”

　　Shen Ling nodded, thinking:

　　—I get it. For you, the only thing that counts as fun is killing people.

　　He glanced at her. She really did understand him. Performances like this were dull to him. But now that she was here, watching wasn’t impossible either.　　

　　He said, “Just have them perform whatever you want to see.”    

　　“Then I’ll choose?”

　　“You choose.” Xie Yuanxun didn’t object.

　　Shen Ling had originally wanted to call over the performers and have them act out the plays she had revised, but glancing at Xie Yuanxun beside her, she silently put that idea aside. She obediently opened the booklet the performers had brought last time, full of all kinds of show pieces, intending to pick something from there.

　　It wasn’t that Shen Ling was naturally cautious, but she suspected Xie Yuanxun wanted to bait her into revealing herself. She wasn’t about to expose her wild side in front of him. She wasn’t that foolish.

　　Shen Ling carefully picked one called《The Flower Pavilion Meeting.》Anything with “flower” in the title should be about flower viewing, right? The performers got their cue and quickly began.

　　After watching for a while, Shen Ling’s entire face froze. She realized she was still too naive.

　　Despite the flower-themed title,《The Flower Pavilion Meeting》was not about enjoying blossoms at all. It was about a young lady running away with a man. She really hadn’t seen that coming!

　　Shen Ling looked on in disbelief:

　　The lady in the play came from a wealthy, high-ranking family. At a lantern festival, she met a young man whose family was an enemy of her own. They got to know each other, fell in love, and she wanted to marry him. Her family refused. Not only was he their enemy son, he wasn’t a good man. And the man already had two beloved children.

　　Shen Ling raised an eyebrow.

　　—If she really married him, she’d be the stepmother. Idiot, didn’t she know being a stepmother is tough? Treat them well and people say you have schemes. Treat them badly and people call you cruel. You can’t win either way.

　　Xie Yuanxun, hearing her unspoken thoughts, glanced at the performers.

　　The lady ignored all advice, determined to marry him, even resorting to a hunger strike. But her family still refused, and she nearly passed out from starvation. She almost died.

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—Did this lady come out of the womb without a brain? Risking life and death for a man? Clearly needed some reality check from the world.

　　—Nothing in this world is more important than your own life.

　　Xie Yuanxun chuckled. He suddenly leaned over her, treating her like a body pillow, draping himself across her lap. His gaze casually watched the stage. It was obvious he wasn’t really paying attention. Instead, Shen Ling’s private thoughts were far more interesting to him. Hearing her inner commentary was more entertaining than the performance itself.

　　What could Shen Ling do? She could only be the obedient “pillow.”

　　Xie Yuanxun toyed with the strands of her hair hanging down, his voice teasing, “You’re watching so intently. Do you like their performance?”

　　Shen Ling answered obediently, “Mm, they’re good.”

　　—No, I don’t like it. The story’s too stupid, utterly ridiculous. Yup, I’m talking about that lady.    

　　While the two of them were talking, the performance on stage continued:

　　The young lady sent her maid to find the young master, declaring that she would marry him no matter what. The young master said he would always wait for her. Touched, she sneaked out of her house for a secret meeting with him, then followed him home to become his concubine. On their wedding night, the young master handed his two children over to her care. The children played tricks on her, slipped bugs into her food, pushed her into a pond until she almost drowned. She never got angry. When she became pregnant, they harmed her and made her miscarry, leaving her infertile. Even then, the lady repaid evil with kindness, stopping the young master from punishing them.

　　Later, the young master married his official wife. The wife suppressed the two children, but the lady used her gentleness and kindness to protect them, until they finally began to call her “mother.” The official wife slandered her in front of the young master, and he slapped the lady across the face. She cried in grievance, yet still quietly took care of him. After years of declining health, she eventually died, and the young master wrote many poems mourning her. People praised him as affectionate and loyal.

　　Shen Ling was speechless. “……” This plot was absolute madness. It was destroying her worldview. If she had known that watching a play with Xie Yuanxun would mentally contaminate her like this, she never would have agreed to it!

　　Her mind drifted.

　　—Why am I even watching this? Was my brain kicked by a donkey?

　　—I won’t be watching any more plays for months.

　　Xie Yuanxun, in a good mood, asked, “Why so quiet? You don’t like it?” He already knew the answer from her thoughts.

　　Shen Ling said lightly, “I don’t like it.” She still hadn’t recovered from her daze, so she didn’t notice how honest her response came out.

　　Sure enough, when Xie Yuanxun heard that, his face darkened. His voice turned icy. “Did you hear that? Shen Guiren said she doesn’t like it. Take them away.”

　　Senior Eunuch Feng bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.” He waved his hand, and people rushed up to drag the performers down.

　　The commotion snapped Shen Ling back to reality. She was already used to the storms Xie Yuanxun brought with him. After witnessing enough, she simply adapted. Shen Ling never thought of herself as someone special. She only vaguely felt that Xie Yuanxun showed her a tiny bit more patience than he showed others, and his temper was slightly better when she was around. If he wanted to kill anyone else, she would pretend not to see it. But these performers were here because she had asked them to act for her. She couldn’t just ignore it.

　　Killing people just for performing a play… what a tragic reason.

　　She would speak up for them as long as it didn’t put her in danger. If Xie Yuanxun insisted on killing them, all she could do was hope they reincarnated into better families next life. It sounded a bit hypocritical, but if she had to do more than this, she simply couldn’t.

　　Shen Ling tugged lightly at Xie Yuanxun’s sleeve. Under his gaze, she lowered her head and leaned close to whisper:

　　“Your Majesty, what I don’t like is the lady and young master those two performers were playing. They acted well, but they acted too well, that’s why I disliked it. It’s not their fault. And instead of killing anyone, I have a fun idea. Are there officials in court who need to be rewarded? If so, Your Majesty can send the performers to put on a show for them. Even better, have the performers swap roles. Let the young master play the lady and have the lady marry him instead. I think their expressions would be very interesting.”

　　“That way, Your Majesty is entertained, and the officials receive a reward. Everyone wins. What does Your Majesty think?”

　　Xie Yuanxun thought for a moment, then lazily said, “Not bad. Senior Eunuch Feng, write down what Shen Guiren said.”

　　Shen Ling shed invisible crocodile tears.

　　—Why do I feel like I’m plotting against loyal officials like some wicked consort?

　　—To the court officials who are about to suffer, thank you for your service. May the heavens bless you.

 

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