The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 59: Am I Some Kind of Poisonous Woman?

　　Shen Ling said, “Fine, then don’t let me see it. It’s not like it’s anything rare.” Her tone was completely indifferent, but in the very next second, she suddenly reached out toward Xie Yuanxun, trying to snatch the report while he wasn’t paying attention.

　　Unfortunately, Xie Yuanxun only needed to lift his hand slightly, and her fierce sneak attack was effortlessly neutralized. Shen Ling ended up grabbing nothing at all, at most catching a handful of air.

　　Shen Ling, “……”

　　Xie Yuanxun looked at her meaningfully. “And this is what you meant by ‘not looking’? Saying one thing and doing another. I almost got fooled by you.”

　　Shen Ling’s lips twitched.

　　—Yeah right, keep talking nonsense. You almost got fooled? Do you think I’m blind and didn’t see you dodge?

　　—The key point is, you dodged that so! damn! fast! I couldn’t even touch it! Don’t tell me you weren’t already on guard against me trying to snatch it.

　　Shen Ling retorted without the slightest guilt, “...What do you mean, saying one thing and doing another? Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”

　　—As long as I don’t feel guilty, no one can make me feel guilty!

　　Xie Yuanxun didn’t answer. Instead, he asked back, “Aren’t you?”

　　Shen Ling, “......”

　　—I am!

　　She tried to clear her name, speaking more from instinct than sincerity, “Actually, I don’t really want to see it that much.”

　　Xie Yuanxun, “Really?”

　　Shen Ling nodded rapidly, “Really! Truer than gold.”

　　—Just not real gold. Fake gold.

　　Xie Yuanxun lifted a finger and lightly tapped her forehead, sounding a bit exasperated. “Do you even realize your eyes are practically glued to it?”

　　She was already staring like that and still claiming she didn’t want to look. Seriously, she was lying through her teeth with a straight face.

　　Xie Yuanxun refused to give it to her, and Shen Ling couldn’t snatch it away either. But there was no way she’d just let it go. Force clearly wasn’t going to work, so she switched tactics on the spot. If hard wouldn’t work, then she’d go soft.

　　Her hands slid down from either side of his shoulders as she leaned in from behind, wrapping her arms around him in a loose hug. In a sweet, coaxing tone, she said, “Let me take a look, okay? Pretty please?”

　　Xie Yuanxun, “……”

　　His expression turned indescribable as he shoved the document into her arms. “Here. Take it.”

　　He gave in so quickly it completely exceeded her expectations. Shen Ling smiled. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

　　—Hahahaha!

　　—That expression of yours was way too funny.

　　Xie Yuanxun stared at her. “If you’re not going to look at it, then give it back.”

　　Shen Ling quickly turned away. “No, I want to look. I’ll look right now.”

　　—Once something’s in my hands, there’s no way I’m giving it back!

　　Anyway, Shen Ling could already tell. Xie Yuanxun was just talking. If she actually gave it back, she was pretty sure this guy would just look at it with total disdain and refuse it anyway.

　　She shifted closer to Xie Yuanxun, shoulder pressing against his. Still not satisfied, she squeezed herself right into his arms and settled in comfortably against him. Everyone in the world seemed to be afraid of Xie Yuanxun, but only she could get close to him so naturally.

　　Xie Yuanxun lifted his left hand, his wide sleeve draping over her. Before Shen Ling even had time to react, he casually pinched her cheek.

　　“Who allowed you to sit in my lap?”

　　Shen Ling wasn’t about to indulge him. “Then should I get up?”

　　Xie Yuanxun let out a cold, mocking chuckle. His chin rested on the top of her head as he spoke in a cool, indifferent tone. “Don’t think just because I let you get away with things, you can do whatever you want.”

　　Shen Ling, “……”

　　She rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, Your Majesty, your lesson is absolutely correct.”

　　—Clearly you don’t want me to leave either. Even if I was the one who climbed in here first.

　　Xie Yuanxun, “Hmph.”

　　Shen Ling waited a moment. Seeing that Xie Yuanxun wasn’t going to do anything else, she finally relaxed and leisurely opened the document to finish reading the rest of it.

　　After reading it, she only had one thought. This Xue Yunshi was way too bold. Doing something this dangerous right under Xie Yuanxun’s nose? Did he think his head was too heavy and wanted it chopped off for some relief?

　　Also… why did she not remember the novel ever saying this new Emperor of the rising dynasty, Xue Yunshi, had this much courage during the Da Liang Dynasty?

　　She only recalled that Xue Yunshi’s rebellion only began after Xie Yuanxun, that walking disaster of a man, had already “retired” from the stage. Before that, he had always been “obedient.” Even if he had ambitions, he never dared to show them.

　　Wait.

　　A name suddenly flashed through Shen Ling’s mind: Shen Jinxiu!

　　Right. Shen Jinxiu and Xue Yunshi had already been in contact for a long time. Forget what her relationship with Shen Jinxiu actually was. As long as Xie Yuanxun still favored her, she was the most highly favored consort in the entire Da Liang Dynasty. That alone was enough for countless people to avoid offending her, including the Shen family by blood.

　　Based on Shen Ling’s understanding of Xie Yuanxun, even if Xue Yunshi didn’t die this time, he would at least be left half useless. What Xue Yunshi had done was essentially attempting to act against Xie Yuanxun. That was no different from trying to assassinate the Emperor, even if Xie Yuanxun had come to no harm.

　　And Shen Jinxiu had always been closely connected with Xue Yunshi. If she protected Shen Jinxiu, Xie Yuanxun would probably just turn a blind eye and not pursue it further.   

　　But Shen Ling didn’t actually want to protect him at all!

　　Anyway, she didn’t have any good feelings toward the Shen family, so she didn’t even try to hide it as she started quietly badmouthing them.

　　“These people are seriously way too bold. They’re treating you like you’re some idiot… Uh!”

　　Xie Yuanxun slowly stroked her head. “Who are you calling an idiot?”

　　Shen Ling, “……”

　　—I am. I am, okay?

　　—Why do you always remember the exact things I don’t want you to remember?

　　Shen Ling straightened up immediately and said with full conviction, “Of course I mean the people who want to harm you are idiots. After all, Your Majesty, you are so talented in both civil and military matters, so outstanding in presence, and brilliantly wise and brave.”    

　　—Anyone in this world who wants you dead will definitely be the one who dies first, turned into a little pancake!

　　Xie Yuanxun burst out laughing. He didn’t take Shen Ling’s words as empty flattery at all. In a good mood, he said, “Say a few more compliments.”

　　Shen Ling, “……”

　　—Compliment your ancestors!

　　Shen Ling pretended she didn’t hear him at all. She wasn’t about to spoil a brat that easily.

　　Especially not this so-called “top-ranked brat” in the entire Palace.

　　Xie Yuanxun, “Top-ranked brat? A ¹‘bear child’? How exactly do I resemble that?”

　　“……”

　　Shen Ling froze for a second and slowly asked, “Did I say that out loud?”

　　Xie Yuanxun nodded. “You did.”

　　He looked her up and down, appraising her. “If anything, you look more like one than I do.”

　　—Huh? I look like what… wait. Damn it! Did he just say I’m a ‘bear child’? Does he even know how to talk? And can the Shen family even produce someone as outstanding as me?

　　Shen Ling straightened her posture, forcing the conversation back onto the right track. She took a deep breath, and her expression immediately turned serious, full of concern for the country and its people.

　　“Your Majesty, this is open rebellion. People like this deserve no mercy. If you don’t deal with them properly, others will think you’re easy to bully.”

　　“I know my elder brother has an unusual relationship with that Marquis Xue. I also know he is not innocent. When faced with the greater good, I can only painfully cut off my feelings for him.”

　　“Your Majesty, you don’t need to spare him because of me. If my elder brother ends up going to the same path of no return as Marquis Xue, I would consider it his own fulfillment, letting him die for the ideals he believes in.”

　　“If the rest of the Shen family wants to follow him and die for those ideals too, I won’t be able to stop them either.”

　　Shen Ling subtly made her point very clear. “So it’s best if they all go together neatly.”

　　—I, on the other hand, am not included.

　　—I haven’t lived long enough yet.   

　　Xie Yuanxun solemnly pulled Shen Ling out of his arms. He looked at her with a serious expression, and the atmosphere instantly turned a little heavy.

　　—W-what’s going on? Why does this suddenly feel off?

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “No wonder people say the sting at the end of a yellow wasp’s tail is the most poisonous, and so is a woman’s heart.”

　　Shen Ling’s face darkened. “……”

　　—Who are you calling a poisonous woman? Who?!

　　—If I don’t send the people trying to harm you straight to hell first, what, am I supposed to let them live happily until old age?

　　—Damn it, if I really had poison on me right now, you’d be the first one I’d take down.

　　Shen Ling didn’t want to see Xie Yuanxun consumed by bloodlust or become a prisoner of killing intent, but she had never once thought about turning him into a “good person” or stopping him from killing altogether.

　　Even if she did think that, this ancestor of a man would never cooperate anyway.

　　And honestly, it wasn’t realistic at all.    

　　—Anyway, since we’re already going to be villains, then when dealing with so-called “upright characters” like Xue Yunshi and Shen Jinxiu, we should just strike when it’s time to strike. No unnecessary chatter.

　　After all, in all those storybooks Shen Ling had read, most villains ended up getting killed off because they talked too much.

　　Xie Yuanxun let out a snort of laughter. Shen Ling, completely expressionless and with a face dark enough to match her mood, kicked him without hesitation.

　　—What are you laughing at?!

　　Instead of stopping, Xie Yuanxun only looked even more amused.

　　Shen Ling: “???”

　　—Idiot!

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Alright, alright, stop messing around.” He tried to pull Shen Ling back into his arms again, completely ignoring her resistance. In Shen Ling’s eyes, this man had pushed her out without saying a word earlier, and now he wanted to hug her again like nothing had happened. There was no way he could get away with that without paying a price.

　　So in the end, Shen Ling accidentally scratched Xie Yuanxun’s chin and left a mark.

　　At that moment, she was genuinely confused. Was his skin really that fragile?

　　—I swear I barely even touched him, how did it get scratched?

　　—No way that’s real. Yeah, that must be it. Counterfeit goods have risks, this is definitely not real skin. Fake product alert.

　　Xie Yuanxun didn’t even bother with the scratch on his face. He just lazily held Shen Ling in his arms, the sharp, prickly aura around him completely smoothed out.

　　Only then did Shen Ling realize a bit late that she might have somehow become Xie Yuanxun’s doll.

　　—Got it. Every grown man has a bit of a girly heart inside.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “I don’t feel like killing people right now.”

　　Shen Ling, “……ah.”

　　—What did you say? I can’t hear you.

　　—But I do seem to smell something fake and hypocritical in the air.

　　Xie Yuanxun nodded. Of course it was fake and hypocritical. He had only been saying it casually anyway. If anyone actually took it seriously, they would not even have time to write the word “death.” Still, his precious consort was the one who understood him best.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “I just suddenly had an interesting idea. If I kill them all at once, they die too quickly and don’t really feel much pain. So I thought, why not change things up and let them experience what it’s like to wish for death but not get it.”

　　Shen Ling was briefly stunned into silence. But she quickly recovered, silently reflecting that she had been too slow on the uptake. Xie Yuanxun was still that same dangerously unhinged psycho.

　　Shen Ling, “Wish for death but not get it?”

　　Xie Yuanxun said coolly, “Aren’t they so eager to see someone fall from a horse? I’ll grant them that wish, and throw in a pair of broken legs while I’m at it.” Thinking of Shen Jinxiu and Xue Yunshi, that so-called “monarch and minister” pair, he let out a cold laugh. “I’m also curious whether your so-called elder brother, who dreams of becoming a founding hero, would risk his life to save his ‘new ruler.’”

　　Shen Ling spoke with clear interest. “I’m a little curious too.”

　　Xie Yuanxun glanced sideways at her. “Aren’t you going to beg for mercy for your elder brother? Aren’t you afraid I’ll take issue with you?”

　　—Me begging for that idiot Shen Jinxiu? Not happening.

　　—I’m not his mother. He made his own mess, he can clean it up himself.

　　—Besides, I don’t need to build some kind of ‘kind and pure’ image in front of you, so forget about me pleading for him.

　　Shen Ling blinked, then lowered her head so Xie Yuanxun couldn’t see the slyness in her eyes. She put on a deliberately sorrowful expression and said in a mournful tone, “Ah… but didn’t you say I was a poisonous woman after all?”

　　—When have you ever seen a poisonous woman doing good deeds?

　　Xie Yuanxun, “……”

　　He said fiercely, “Is that the only thing you remember? Forget it right now!”

　　Shen Ling nodded obediently. “Mm, okay, okay.”

　　—Just a polite yes on the surface.

　　—Anyway, you won’t know if I actually forgot it or not. Hehe.

　　Xie Yuanxun: Heh.

　　Now he knows.    

    

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Glossary:

¹Bear child (熊孩子 / xióng hái zi):

A Chinese slang term literally meaning “bear child,” where “bear” implies wild, unruly, or chaotic behavior. It refers to a naughty, mischievous, or badly behaved child who often causes trouble at home or in public (a “brat,” “little menace,” or “chaos kid”). The term can be used either affectionately in a teasing way or in annoyance depending on context. 

 

    

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