The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 50: Who Is the Tofu Beauty

　　As for what the Tofu Beauty’s real name was, the people of Yongning Town had long forgotten. Since she sold tofu and happened to be quite pretty, everyone gradually started calling her the Tofu Beauty without even thinking about it.

　　Selling tofu was how she made a living. The tofu she made was smoother and more delicate than what others sold. Every night she would grind the soybeans and make fresh tofu. When dawn came, she would place the tofu into baskets, lift them onto a shoulder pole, and head out to sell them. Today, the Tofu Beauty set out the same way.

　　She arrived at the gate of the residence where Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun were staying. After setting down the pole from her shoulder, she reached up to tidy her hair, then adjusted her posture until she found the most flattering angle, hoping to show Xie Yuanxun her best side.

　　While fixing herself up, her eyes kept drifting toward the closed door.

　　“Squeak—” The door creaked open from inside.

　　The Tofu Beauty was surprised. Why was the door opening so early today? Usually it took quite a while before it creaked open. Thinking that she might get to see Xie Yuanxun sooner, her face lit up with delight.

　　But the smile didn’t last long. The only people she saw were the cook, Old Qi, pushing a small cart, and Shen Ling walking behind him.

　　The person she actually wanted to see, Xie Yuanxun, didn’t appear at all.

　　The next moment, the Tofu Beauty’s expression changed. She exclaimed, “What is that smell? It stinks!”

　　Shen Ling waved for Old Qi to start taking things out. The foul smell the Tofu Beauty had noticed instantly grew stronger. A gust of wind blew past, carrying the stench farther down the street. Soon, voices started popping up from nearby houses.

　　“Ugh, it stinks!”

　　“Whose rotten stuff is this? Throw it out already!”

　　Shen Ling curled her lips into a polite smile and looked at the Tofu Beauty. In a deliberately sugary tone, she said, “Big sis, what a coincidence. I’m selling tofu too today. Since we’re both selling the same thing in the same place, we should stay united and harmonious, helping each other out. I wonder by the end of the day, which of us will sell more tofu. Hehehe.”

　　The Tofu Beauty: “......” ¹MMP!

　　The affected tone, the petty little schemes hidden in her words… the Tofu Beauty wasn’t stupid. A woman who had managed to sell tofu in Yongning Town for so many years clearly wasn’t some fool. If she were, her business would have collapsed long ago. It was obvious Shen Ling had come to steal her customers.

　　But did Shen Ling really think just anyone could sell tofu?

　　And another thing. “Big sis”? She actually called her big sis?

　　The Tofu Beauty tugged at the corner of her mouth and said, “Your tofu smells pretty strange. I can already smell that stink from all the way over here. Do you really think you can sell it? If I were you, I’d start thinking about how much money you’re going to lose.”

　　Shen Ling replied, “This is a new variety I came up with. It’s called stinky tofu. It’s different from that soft white tofu you’re selling. If I dared to make it, I’m not afraid of losing money. Who knows, maybe my business will end up better than yours.”

　　The Tofu Beauty: “......”

　　Stinky tofu? She had never even heard of such a thing. She didn’t believe Shen Ling was seriously trying to run a business. In her eyes, Shen Ling was just playing tricks to sabotage her sales. After all, it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed the icy look Shen Ling gave her every time she glanced at Xie Yuanxun.

　　At that moment, a gust of wind blew straight under the Tofu Beauty’s nose, and the thick stench rushed right at her. She almost lost it on the spot.

　　Why did it smell worse the more she inhaled? And Shen Ling had already set it out for quite a while now, so why hadn’t the smell faded at all? Could it be the kind of stink that just lingered forever? The thought alone nearly made the Tofu Beauty suffocate.

　　With that stinky tofu sitting right across from her, who would still come buy her tofu? People were probably running away as fast as they could.

　　The Tofu Beauty shot Shen Ling a miserable look, full of resentment. So what if she had glanced at her man a few times? Did Shen Ling really have to be this petty?

　　Shen Ling completely ignored the bitter look she was getting. She wasn’t worried about not selling anything. Stinky tofu was that kind of food. To people who didn’t like it, the smell alone felt like some kind of biochemical weapon that made them want to throw up. But for those who loved it, they loved it so much they couldn’t get enough. (T/N: Kind of like durian. Some people hate it, but I love it. 🤤)

　　And even if no one bought any in the end, Shen Ling could always carry it back and have stinky tofu for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Xie Yuanxun until it was all gone. That way, not a single bit of food would go to waste.

　　More importantly, Shen Ling hadn’t come up with stinky tofu to make money in the first place. If it made money, great. If not, that was fine too.

　　What Shen Ling really wanted was to give the Tofu Beauty a heavy blow. Didn’t she carry her shoulder pole over to their door every single day just to stare at Xie Yuanxun? Shen Ling refused to believe that with the mighty weapon called stinky tofu around, she could still keep her business booming while having the spare time to watch Xie Yuanxun. She wasn’t some obsessive fangirl.

　　Back in the Palace, Shen Ling would never have worried about someone staring at Xie Yuanxun like a lovesick creep. No one would dare. No matter how handsome he was, there was still the glaring sign above his head that read “tyrant.” But here in Yongning Town, they were strangers in an unfamiliar place. No one knew that Xie Yuanxun was His Majesty, and even fewer knew just how ruthless he could be. Naturally, those flirtatious little birds had started circling him.

　　Shen Ling let out a catlike sigh.

　　—Never thought the day would come when I’d have to defend Xie Yuanxun’s chastity.

　　—Blame it on Xie Yuanxun for being too handsome and attracting bees and butterflies everywhere.

　　People began following the smell over, curious about what on earth could possibly stink this badly.

　　“Over here. The smell is really strong. We didn’t come to the wrong place.”

　　The group first noticed the Tofu Beauty. With sharp, curious eyes, they looked over her stall, but didn’t find anything unusual. That meant the source had to be Shen Ling.

　　As they stepped closer, they quickly realized the stench was indeed coming from her side. “Madam, what exactly are you selling? It looks like tofu, but… has your tofu gone bad?”

　　Shen Ling chuckled cheerfully. “It’s not spoiled. The tofu I sell is supposed to smell like this. If you want to try it, you can buy a piece and have a taste.”

　　Try it? Buy a piece and eat it? Who would dare!

　　Everyone felt their insides twist in discomfort. The tofu was dark like this, yet Shen Ling insisted it wasn’t rotten? If they actually ate it, they felt like they might start foaming at the mouth.

　　So even though Shen Ling boldly claimed it wasn’t spoiled and that the smell was normal, none of them dared believe her.

　　They looked at Shen Ling with complicated expressions. She was clearly such a pretty person, so how did the tofu she sold end up looking this dark and suspicious?

　　No one really wanted to gamble their life here. Still, among the crowd, someone finally worked up the courage to try it. Mainly because although the smell was definitely awful, for some strange reason it made his mouth water.

　　“Give me one piece,” someone said.

　　Shen Ling handed him a portion. Right under everyone’s watchful eyes, the man popped it into his mouth. The next moment, tears suddenly streamed down his face.

　　“Wuwu… this tastes just like the food my grandma used to make when I was little. Ever since she passed away, I’ve never tasted it again.”

　　Shen Ling: “......”

　　—That’s a bit much.

　　—Isn’t your reaction a little exaggerated? If I weren’t certain I didn’t hire anyone, I’d think you were a paid actor.

　　—And stinky tofu is supposed to be stinky. Just how terrible was your grandma’s cooking?

　　Every beginning is hard. Once the first person tried it, a second followed, then a third… then the Nth. Some people couldn’t get used to the taste, while others treated it like a delicacy. Before long, a whole swarm of people crowded around to buy it. Old Qi calmly handled the rush by himself, leaving Shen Ling with nothing to do at all.

　　When the Tofu Beauty saw Shen Ling’s business suddenly booming, the crowd swarming over even started squeezing her own stall out of the way. Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets!!

　　Wait, what? That tofu smelled so awful… what on earth was going on?!

　　Or had selling tofu reached the point where if it didn’t stink, no one would buy it anymore?

　　The Tofu Beauty had been selling tofu for years, but today her confidence completely collapsed under Shen Ling’s outrageous move. Grabbing someone by the arm, she shouted, “Mine is the real tofu!” If anyone wanted tofu, they should be buying from her!

　　But one by one, people ignored her completely.

　　Shen Ling’s cheerful voice rang out, “Don’t push, don’t push. There’s plenty more. No need to worry about missing out, just take your time. Everyone will get some. My tofu smells bad, but it tastes amazing. It’s a secret recipe, only sold right here. If you haven’t tried it, you wouldn’t know. Once you do, it’ll blow your mind. This stinky tofu is seriously delicious...”

　　Her words were so infectious that even people who weren’t tempted at first started feeling curious enough to try a piece.

　　Old Qi, whose real identity was a shadow guard but whose fake identity was a cook: “......”

　　He remembered that none of Bao Fei’s family members had ever served as imperial censors. So why did it feel like Her Grace’s tongue was even sharper than those officials who specialized in criticizing people?

　　On Shen Ling’s side, business was booming like wildfire. It was unbelievably lively. Meanwhile, the Tofu Beauty’s stall looked utterly miserable, completely deserted. Comparing the two tofu stalls side by side, one was thriving while the other was practically dead. The Tofu Beauty was on the verge of tears. How could there possibly be such a thing as tofu that smelled this awful yet still sold so well?!

　　No, she had to move somewhere else to sell. Otherwise, today’s tofu would all end up unsold in her hands. So the Tofu Beauty picked up her shoulder pole and left. Before going, she glanced once more at Shen Ling’s bustling stall. This round, she had lost.

　　Damn it, who would have thought Shen Ling guarded her man so fiercely? She had only sneaked a few looks at Xie Yuanxun and hadn’t even had the chance to flirt before Shen Ling squeezed her business into near bankruptcy. Fine. If she couldn’t provoke her, she could at least avoid her.

　　Only after the last piece of stinky tofu was sold did Shen Ling notice that the Tofu Beauty was gone.

　　Old Qi casually remarked, “She’s been gone for a while already. Are we still coming out to sell tomorrow?” 

　　Shen Ling said, “Of course we’re selling. Today we already made a name for stinky tofu. After this, more people will definitely come looking for it once they hear about it. It’s something new after all, so tomorrow we should make more.”

　　Actually, Shen Ling had another sneaky little goal she didn’t mention. If someone selling soft white tofu could earn the title of “Tofu Beauty,” then why couldn’t she, the one selling stinky tofu, get herself the same title?

　　Shen Ling lifted a hand and lightly brushed the top of her head, as if she were adjusting a dazzling “Tofu Beauty” crown sitting right there. (T/N: Imagine if they crowned her “Stinky Beauty” instead. That would be hilarious! 😂)

　　—Once we return to the Palace, if I don’t say anything, who would know I used to sell stinky tofu out here? Running wild and having fun outside, hmph. Come on then, let’s enjoy ourselves while we can. After all, there’s plenty of time.

　　Shen Ling told Old Qi to head back first. When she spotted someone selling candied hawthorns, she bought two sticks, one for herself and one for Xie Yuanxun. She had only taken a couple of steps before suddenly stopping.

　　Then she turned around, went back, and bought another one.

　　And just like that, Shen Ling slowly started eating the extra stick of candied hawthorn herself.

　　Back inside, Shen Ling handed Xie Yuanxun the candied hawthorn stick, her words tumbling out in a flurry, “Here, I got this just for you. As soon as I grabbed it, I hurried back, since there’s no candied hawthorn in the Palace. You’ve never had it before, so try it, okay? I haven’t even tasted it myself yet.”

　　Xie Yuanxun just stared at her.

　　Shen Ling blinked, “???”

　　“Why are you looking at me? I want you to eat it,” he said.

　　“You didn’t eat any before?” Xie Yuanxun asked.

　　Shen Ling froze. “...No.”

　　—No way he thinks I secretly ate one behind his back, right? Shouldn’t be. I even stood at the door blowing on it for a while before coming in, no sugar taste in my mouth.

　　—Or maybe he’s touched because I said I hadn’t eaten it and want to share it with him?

　　Xie Yuanxun gave her a half-smile. He reached out and brushed his finger across Shen Ling’s lips, and when he pulled back, there was a tiny bit of sugar on his fingertip.

　　Shen Ling, “...”

　　—Help!

　　—This slap in the face came way too fast, and it’s all my own evidence… I’m doomed.

　　—I was too busy making sure my mouth had no sugar taste, and totally forgot to check if any stuck to my lips. Huge mistake!

　　Xie Yuanxun asked, “Have you figured out how you’re going to explain this to me?”

　　—Waaah, not yet!

　　He licked the little bit of sugar off his finger, and Shen Ling couldn’t help but hold her breath, “!!!”

　　She said seriously, “Shameless, you stole my candy!” She didn’t even bother explaining that some sugar had stuck to her lips.

　　Xie Yuanxun replied, “Look at you ²crying thief to catch thief. Lesson learned.”

　　—I'm not as good as you say.

　　Xie Yuanxun couldn’t help but laugh. “Then come and find out.”

　　Shen Ling asked dumbly, “Find out how?”

　　He leaned forward and pulled her into his arms, lowering his head to cover her lips with his. “Like this.”

　　Afterward, Xie Yuanxun lounged lazily, only taking one bite of the candied hawthorn Shen Ling had bought before stopping. Shen Ling finished hers, and he fed her the rest of his.

　　Shen Ling munched happily, her cheeks puffing out, and Xie Yuanxun’s lips curved into a smile.

　　“How's your stinky tofu selling?” he asked.

　　If Shen Ling had a tail, it would have been wagging. “Who do you think I am? The things I set my mind to, how could I do them badly?”

________________

Glossary: 

¹MMP (Chinese internet slang)

MMP → abbreviation for 妈卖批 (mā mài pī)

Meaning:

A vulgar Sichuan dialect curse used online to express anger, frustration, or disbelief. It’s often typed as “MMP” to avoid censorship.

Tone / Usage:

Similar to saying “WTF,” “for f*’s sake,”** or “what the hell.” It’s usually used as an emotional outburst rather than directed literally at someone’s mother.

Example (casual use):

“我真是MMP了。”

“I’m seriously like WTF right now.”

Note:

Common in memes, comments, and online novels when a character is extremely annoyed or shocked.

²The phrase “crying thief to catch thief” comes from the Chinese idiom 贼喊捉贼 (zéi hǎn zhuō zéi).

Meaning:

Someone who is guilty of something but accuses others first to hide their own wrongdoing.

In English, the closest ideas are:

☘️ “The pot calling the kettle black.”

☘️ “Playing the victim while being the culprit.”

☘️ “Blaming others for what you did.”

 

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