The Tyrant’s Drama Queen Empress

CHAPTER 70: A Spendthrift Wife and a Henpecked Husband

　　Shen Ling lay on her side in bed, trying to sleep.

　　Sigh… she really missed the days when she could sleep however she wanted. Back then, she could lie flat on her back, sleep on her stomach, roll around a full 360 degrees across the bed…

　　Xie Yuanxun, eyes closed, reached out and patted her back. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

　　Shen Ling looked at him with envy as he lay comfortably on his back. “I can’t fall asleep.”

　　“I want to sleep like you too.”

　　Xie Yuanxun replied, “Oh. Then you can only think about it. Once you’re done thinking, go to sleep.”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—This is… this is ridiculous!

　　—That’s your reaction?

　　—Aren’t you supposed to sit up, pull me into your arms, and gently coax me to sleep first before you go back to sleep?!

　　Shen Ling pressed a hand to her chest, full of sorrow. “Men really do change. Back then I was your little sweetheart. Now that you’re tired of me, I’ve become a pitiful drifting weed that no one cares about.”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……”

　　What else could he do? He could only pull her into his arms and slowly coax her to sleep. Otherwise, she really would turn into that poor, unloved little thing she claimed to be.

　　After coaxing her for quite a while, Xie Yuanxun saw that Shen Ling had gone still and thought she had finally fallen asleep. He was just about to go back to sleep himself when he lowered his head…

　　…and met a pair of bright, lively eyes staring right back at him.

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……”

　　He frowned. “You’re not asleep?!”

　　Shen Ling: “I am.”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “If you’re asleep, why are your eyes still open?”

　　Shen Ling: “I’m practicing sleeping with my eyes open.”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……Do you think I’m an idiot?”

　　Shen Ling put on an innocent face. “Huh? I can’t?”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……”

　　Looking at his speechless expression, Shen Ling burst into soft laughter, not the slightest bit sleepy.

　　Xie Yuanxun thought to himself, fine. If she wouldn’t sleep, he would just keep coaxing her. Sooner or later, he’d get her to fall asleep.

　　Gradually, Shen Ling’s eyes began to droop shut. Soon, her head leaned against Xie Yuanxun’s chest, and she fell into a deep, comfortable sleep. He could even hear her soft little snores.

　　Xie Yuanxun smiled. “That’s all the resistance you’ve got? In the end, I still managed to coax you to sleep.”

　　Shen Ling: “Snoring…”

　　In the middle of the night, Shen Ling’s leg suddenly cramped. She cried out in pain, her face scrunched up. “Ahh… it hurts, it hurts! My leg’s cramping!”

　　Xie Yuanxun woke up almost the moment she made a sound. He sat up and moved to the foot of the bed, gently massaging her leg.

　　After a while, the cramp finally eased.

　　This wasn’t the first time he’d done this. The very first time Shen Ling had gotten a leg cramp, it had also been him who helped massage it.

　　Seeing that she had stopped crying out, Xie Yuanxun asked, “Does it still hurt?”

　　Shen Ling whimpered softly, “It hurts, it really hurts. Massage it a bit more.”

　　—Wow, that massage feels so good.

　　—I’m getting all floaty, hehe.

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……Does it actually hurt?” Her thoughts were basically on full display.

　　Shen Ling’s gaze drifted for a second before she put on a serious face. “Of course it’s real. Do you think I’d lie to you?”

　　—Since you’re already massaging me anyway, you might as well keep going a bit longer. Good chance for you to train your finger flexibility too.

　　—I feel good, you get healthier. Win-win, right?

　　—I’m seriously a genius.

　　Xie Yuanxun fixed his gaze on her.

　　Under that clear, penetrating look, Shen Ling felt a little uneasy.

　　—Wait, why are you looking at me like that?

　　—Did he see through my little scheme?

　　—Hehe, whatever. Even if he did, so what. I never planned to fool him anyway. I’ll just pretend I don’t know. After all, I’m carrying his baby. For the baby, we’ve both got to work hard together. Come on, let’s go!

　　Xie Yuanxun: “……”

　　Tsk.

　　When it came to shamelessness, he honestly didn’t think anyone could beat Shen Ling.

　　Though… he was also kind of enjoying it.

　　Xie Yuanxun, “Do you want some water?”

　　Shen Ling smacked her lips. “Yes!” If he hadn’t mentioned it, she wouldn’t have even thought of it.

　　Xie Yuanxun got out of bed and poured her a glass. “How much do you want? One cup or two?”

　　Shen Ling: “One cup.”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “Cold or warm?”

　　Shen Ling: “Cold.”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “Do you want sugar in the water?”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　“No sugar.”

　　Shen Ling looked at Xie Yuanxun and only then slowly realized something.

　　—Wait a second. Isn’t this getting a bit too detailed?

　　Xie Yuanxun: “You…”

　　Shen Ling cut in first. “I just want a sip of water. Aren’t you making this a bit too complicated?”

　　Xie Yuanxun glanced at her. “Complicated? I don’t think so.”

　　“After all, you’re still carrying a child. For the child’s sake, I have to ask carefully. What if he ends up uncomfortable?”

　　Shen Ling gasped and pointed at Xie Yuanxun in shock. “So you only care about the baby?!”

　　—What about me? What about me?!

　　—I’m right here, a whole living person, your little sweetheart!

　　Pfft…

　　Xie Yuanxun held back a laugh. He walked over with the cup, lightly resting a hand on her rounded belly, trying his best to sound calm and casual.

　　“Yes. Didn’t you say before that babies are very fragile? If that’s the case, we should be extra careful with him.”

　　“Here, drink some water. Hm? Why aren’t you drinking?”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—I don’t want it anymore!!!

　　—Let me just be thirsty with your little baby!!!

　　At that point, Xie Yuanxun couldn’t hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. “Hahaha…”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—Damn it, are you going to die if you don’t tease me?!

　　......

　　As the weather grew hotter and hotter, Shen Ling’s favorite thing to do was soak in the pool to cool off.

　　But every time she soaked, she only got about a quarter of an hour. And that “quarter of an hour” meant a full fifteen minutes. It even included the time she spent getting undressed and dressed again.

　　So every time, she would happily go in, then come out with a “ugh, I’m not done yet” expression written all over her face.

　　And she couldn’t even sneak in extra time. Liu Zhu and the other palace maids were watching her closely. The moment her time was up, they would politely “invite” her out of the pool.

　　Shen Ling grabbed the edge of the pool with both hands. “Liu Zhu, I just got in. The heat on my body hasn’t even gone away yet. Let me stay a little longer, just a little. I’ll get out in half a quarter of an hour.”

　　Liu Zhu didn’t budge. “Your Majesty, you said the same thing last time.”

　　Shen Ling: “But last time you didn’t agree to let me continue either.”

　　Liu Zhu smiled gently. “So this time, Your Majesty doesn’t need to hope for luck either. I still won’t agree.”

　　Shen Ling angrily scooped up a handful of water and splashed it at her. Liu Zhu simply stepped back and dodged it easily.

　　Shen Ling declared boldly, “Next summer, I’m definitely going to live in that pool until I’ve had enough!”

　　Liu Zhu just smiled faintly.

　　The Empress was so adorable, always saying things that were clearly impossible.

　　After getting out of the pool, Shen Ling saw Xie Yuanxun. Without hesitation, she shoved a fan into his hands. He took it and began fanning them both.

　　Shen Ling said, “Your Majesty, I really want to go back in and soak again.”

　　Xie Yuanxun tilted his head slightly. Looking at the sweat beading on her forehead, he took a handkerchief and carefully wiped it away.

　　She had never been afraid of heat before. But after getting pregnant this time, she had become unusually sensitive to it.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “I’ll have more ice placed in the room. That should make it less hot for you.”

　　Shen Ling replied, “I can’t exactly lie on the ice. And even if there’s ice in the room, it’s still going to be far away from me.”

　　—Right now, I really just want it to be winter already.

　　—Winter wind, winter snow, everything about winter, I miss you so much!

　　Xie Yuanxun thought for a moment and said, “Then I’ll have them make a bed out of jade, and place some water around it?” Ice can’t be too close, but water should be fine, right?

　　Hearing that, Shen Ling’s eyes lit up. “A water bed?”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “What water bed? I meant a jade bed. You should call it a jade bed.”

　　Shen Ling shook her head. “I don’t want a jade bed. I want a water bed!”

　　A water bed?

　　A bed made of water?

　　Xie Yuanxun, “No. It’s too cold and damp. Jade is fine because it can be warm jade. Sleeping on warm jade is good for your body, but a water bed won’t work.”

　　Shen Ling tugged on his sleeve. “Really no? Really no? Really no…?” She repeated it like a broken record.

　　Xie Yuanxun: “No.”

　　His answer was firm, leaving no room for negotiation.

　　Shen Ling lowered her head instantly, her whole body deflating.

　　—I’m so miserable!

　　—So miserable, so miserable. Life is full of suffering, and I’m clearly the most miserable one of all!

　　Xie Yuanxun pressed a hand to his forehead. If he didn’t redirect her attention soon, she might start dramatically reciting tragic grievances in her head.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Do you want to read storybooks together?”

　　Shen Ling: “Not interested.”    

　　—It’s so hot I can’t even focus on reading. My brain is just full of “hot, hot, hot,” where am I supposed to find space to pay attention to the story?

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “I can read it to you?”

　　Shen Ling replied, “Don’t want to listen.”

　　—The cicadas outside are way too loud.

　　Xie Yuanxun thought for a moment. “Then how about we act out the characters in the story instead?”

　　Shen Ling: “Hm?” That got her a bit more interested.

　　By his logic, wasn’t that basically role-playing?

　　Shen Ling perked up. “Alright, let’s do that!”

　　“What roles are we playing?”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “You choose.”

　　Shen Ling raised a brow. “You’re really letting me pick?”

　　Xie Yuanxun: “Mm. You choose.”

　　—Hehe, then I won’t be polite.

　　Shen Ling got excited and started assigning roles with great enthusiasm. Of course, she made herself the beautiful and elegant young lady from a noble household, while Xie Yuanxun was assigned the role of a farmer.

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Don’t you think these two roles have a pretty huge gap in status?”

　　Shen Ling waved it off casually. “The bigger the gap, the more dramatic potential there is.”

　　Xie Yuanxun replied, “I feel like you’re doing this on purpose just to make me the farmer.”

　　Shen Ling pretended she didn’t hear him.

　　—Even if you’re right, I’m not admitting it!

　　She cleared her throat. “Alright, we’ve got our roles. Now let me set up the story.”

　　“Here’s how the story goes…”    

　　“In a wealthy and peaceful little town, there lived a stunning young lady of unmatched beauty and talent. Her father was the richest man in town, and no matter what she did, countless people adored her. Women liked her, men liked her too, all wanting to pluck this precious gem into their arms…”

　　Xie Yuanxun burst out laughing. “Pfft!”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Your story doesn’t have a single logical sentence from start to finish.”

　　Smack!

　　Shen Ling expressionlessly covered his mouth with her hand.

　　She continued, “All those young noblemen were secretly in love with the young lady. Even catching just a glimpse of her from afar was enough to make them fall into lovesickness, eventually wasting away from heartbreak. Then one day, the young lady’s mother fell ill, so she went to a temple to pray for blessings. And there, she met the disaster of her life, a completely ordinary, utterly unremarkable farmer!”

　　Xie Yuanxun was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “Hahaha!”

　　Shen Ling rolled her eyes.

　　—Go ahead and laugh all you want. Your role is still the same, and I’m not changing it!

　　Shen Ling continued, “The farmer meets the young lady, and they fall in love at first sight. But the gap between them is just too wide. She’s the richest man’s daughter, wealthy beyond measure, raised in luxury without ever suffering a single hardship. He’s just a rural farmer, poor and ordinary, destined to remain a farmer his whole life. How could someone like him ever marry her? And how could her family ever agree to it?”

　　“But no matter how many obstacles there are, they can’t stop their feelings for each other. The farmer even raises a duck to send her love letters by ‘flying duck mail.’ Unfortunately, just as their love deepens, her family finds out.”

　　“They lock the young lady at home, break the farmer’s legs, and drive him out of the town. In the end, the farmer dies far away, and the two lovers end their story in tragedy.”

　　Xie Yuanxun’s fingers lightly traced along Shen Ling’s chin. “So not only do I have to play a farmer, I also have to be a farmer with broken legs?”

　　Shen Ling coughed twice. “It’s just a character setting in a storybook, something we’re acting out. Besides, the highest form of a storybook is tragedy. Only tragedy leaves the deepest impression on people.”

　　Xie Yuanxun smiled, not quite smiling. “I do get the tragedy part, but your young lady doesn’t seem very tragic at all. Her biggest crisis is just being locked up.”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　“That’s just a minor detail.”

　　—Oops, I think I made my little scheming way too obvious.

　　—I should’ve tried to hide it a bit. Sigh.

　　After setting up the roles and the story, the two of them started acting it out. When it got to the part where “Miss Shen” went to the temple and met “Farmer Xie,” the farmer suddenly stepped in and forcefully whisked the young lady away.

　　Shen Ling: “You’re a farmer, not a bandit!”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “By day I’m a farmer. By night, I’m a bandit. Everyone in my village is a bandit, and I’m the leader of them all.”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—Damn it!

　　—Do you even know if you pulled something like this in a theater troupe, you’d get completely roasted?!

　　—Are you some kind of roleplay tyrant? Even a farmer role you can forcibly rewrite into something like this?!

　　......

　　That day, Xie Yuanxun brought over a set of clothes and asked Liu Zhu to help Shen Ling change into them. Shen Ling lowered her head and looked herself over from left to right after getting dressed.

　　Why did this outfit feel a little plain?

　　Of course, “plain” was only in comparison to the elaborate clothing she usually wore in the palace.

　　Then she looked up and noticed that Xie Yuanxun was wearing the same “plain” outfit as hers. A thought suddenly clicked in her mind.

　　“Your Majesty, are you taking me out of the palace?” she asked.

　　Xie Yuanxun nodded. “Yes. Today is the Qixi Festival. I’m taking you out to have some fun.”

　　Shen Ling understood right away. Qixi Festival, huh? So it was basically the Chinese Valentine’s Day. Even if she wasn’t familiar with the customs, she definitely knew the story of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl.

　　Thinking of how lively it must be outside, Shen Ling followed him happily and climbed into the carriage as they left the palace.

　　The streets today were filled with many young girls and married women out enjoying the festivities. Street vendors sold jewelry and lanterns engraved with scenes of the Cowherd and Weaver Girl meeting across the magpie bridge.

　　There were quite a few men and women like Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun who came in pairs.

　　Shen Ling and Xie Yuanxun were standing in front of a mask stall. Senior Eunuch Feng and his people trailed behind them. On the surface, it looked like only a small group was following, but no one knew how many were actually hidden in the shadows.

　　Shen Ling took her time picking before finally choosing a mask for herself, one engraved with a fox in the lower corner. Then she picked another one with an eagle for Xie Yuanxun.

　　She placed hers on her own face first, then rose slightly on her toes and helped Xie Yuanxun put his on.

　　Shen Ling said, “Only these two look somewhat decent. The others either have Cowherd and Weaver Girl carved on them or some kind of ugly ghost faces. The first one doesn’t really fit us since we see each other every day, while they only meet once a year. The second kind is just too ugly. We should stick with the good-looking ones.”

　　Xie Yuanxun let Shen Ling put the mask on him without moving and said, “You look good no matter what you wear.”

　　Shen Ling raised a brow. “You’re being unusually sweet today?”

　　—Something’s off.

　　Xie Yuanxun replied calmly, “I forgot to bring silver with me, so you’re paying for these two masks?”

　　Shen Ling: “!!!”

　　—What the—

　　She froze for a second, then practically exploded inside.

　　—You you you—

　　—Xie Yuanxun, you’re dead. You’re absolutely, totally dead!

　　—I’m going to kill you. Ugh, I’m so mad I could scream. You useless guy who didn’t even bring money when going out! You ruined the whole pink, sparkly mood between us, you absolute menace!

　　Shen Ling was so mad that if Xie Yuanxun’s face hadn’t been covered by a mask, she would have definitely slapped him by now.

　　Xie Yuanxun curled his lips and leaned closer to her ear. “Alright, alright, don’t be mad. I was just teasing you.”

　　He chuckled. “You got fooled by me again.”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　She stomped hard on his foot.

　　—Useless jerk!

　　After that little incident, Shen Ling went completely wild on the way. Anything she saw, she bought it without hesitation, not even a single thought spared for saving Xie Yuanxun’s money.

　　A jade carved bracelet? Buy it.

　　Dresses, skirts, rouge, powder? Buy.

　　Hairpins, accessories, jewelry? Buy it all.

　　There was nothing a shopping spree couldn’t fix. And if there was, then it simply meant she hadn’t spent enough silver yet.

　　Other ladies and wives watching from the side couldn’t help but silently think she was a spendthrift. Yet at the same time, seeing how Xie Yuanxun indulged her without question, they couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy and sourness. How did she end up with such a good husband?

　　Xie Yuanxun stayed close to Shen Ling, shielding her from the crowd and keeping others, men and women alike, from getting too near.

　　Shen Ling didn’t notice his actions at first.

　　To her, being bumped into while shopping was normal anyway. There were just too many people here.

　　“Hmm?” Shen Ling let out a puzzled sound when she felt someone tugging at her skirt.

　　She looked down and saw a little boy by her feet. His face was flushed red, his hair was tied into a small topknot that stuck straight up, and his bright, dark eyes looked round and lively. He had a clean, good-looking face.

　　Shen Ling looked at him. “And you are?”

　　Xie Yuanxun also noticed the little boy, but didn’t take him to heart. He took Shen Ling’s hand, ready to keep walking.

　　Shen Ling looked up at him. “Wait, we can’t just leave yet. He’s all alone right now.” If they just walked off like this, a child left by himself could easily run into trouble.

　　Xie Yuanxun said calmly, “We can hand him over to Feng Zhi.”

　　It was just a kid after all.

　　“Beautiful sister, don’t be afraid! I’m here to save you. That scary-looking man over there must have forced you. You definitely didn’t come with him willingly!”

　　Shen Ling: “Pfft!”

　　Xie Yuanxun glanced at the little boy who had just called him “scary-looking,” his eyes full of disdain. “Kid, she’s mine. Didn’t you know that? You can scram now.”

　　“You’re lying! I saw it! You made her angry! My grandfather said before, anyone from the Qu family, if they like someone, they have to act fast right away!”  

　　“Hmph. Wishful thinking.”

　　“I like the beautiful sister…”

　　“You like her all you want, she’s still mine. What, did your grandfather also teach you to go after married women?”

　　“I, I…”

　　“Also, didn’t you notice she’s pregnant? And she’s carrying my child. What exactly do you think you can compare with me?”

　　“I, I…”

　　Shen Ling watched from the side as Xie Yuanxun and this young master Qu “argued.” She hadn’t expected to stumble into a classic “two men fighting over one woman” situation. She covered her mouth and let out a soft laugh.

　　At the moment, Xie Yuanxun was completely crushing the opponent. The little boy’s eyes were already welling up with tears, but perhaps because his “beautiful sister” was right there, he still stubbornly held them back.

　　Shen Ling tugged at Xie Yuanxun’s sleeve, signaling him to stop. If he kept going, the kid was really going to burst into loud crying.

　　But Xie Yuanxun simply picked Shen Ling up and, right in front of the young master Qu, “snatched” her into the carriage. On the way, he even casually took the candied hawthorn from the child’s hand.

　　Xie Yuanxun gave a wicked little smile. “Both the person and the candied hawthorn are mine now.”

　　The young master Qu burst into tears. “Waaahhh… waaahhh…”

　　That candied hawthorn… he had bought it just to give to Shen Ling, hoping to make her happy!

　　Inside the carriage, Shen Ling glanced at Xie Yuanxun sideways. “Stealing candy from a child?”

　　Xie Yuanxun replied calmly, “All land under heaven belongs to the Emperor, and all within the borders are his subjects. So tell me, what in this world doesn’t belong to me?”

　　Shen Ling: “……”

　　—Alright then.

　　—No matter how much you say, you can't hide your wicked act of snatching a child's candied hawthorn.

　　Then she suddenly remembered the young master Qu. “Hey, we haven’t sent him home yet. We can’t just leave like this.”

　　Xie Yuanxun said, “Feng Zhi will handle it.”

　　Shen Ling said, “Oh right, then I’m relieved.” If Senior Eunuch Feng was handling it, things would definitely be properly taken care of.

　　On the other side, when Minister Qu turned around, his grandson had already disappeared. He panicked and rushed around searching for him. When he finally found the boy and was about to give him a firm smack on the backside, he was instantly softened by the tearful, red-eyed look on his grandson’s face.

　　Forget it. No need for punishment. The child was scared too and had already cried from fright.

　　Minister Qu sighed. “See? Now you know to be afraid, right? Don’t run off like that again. Do you want to never see your grandfather again in the future?”

　　“Alright, alright, stop crying. You’re making your grandfather’s heart ache.”

　　The young master Qu wiped his tears. “Grandfather, someone bullied me…” He even stole his beautiful sister and his candied hawthorn.

　　Minister Qu doted on his grandson dearly. The moment he heard that someone had bullied the child, he immediately stood up to settle the score.

　　Bullying a child like that was hardly something a proper man would do.    

　　He, a Minister of Revenue, could normally settle things easily and stand up for his grandson to get justice.

　　Just then, Senior Eunuch Feng appeared.

　　The young master Qu said, “Grandfather, he’s the servant who follows the person who bullied me.”

　　Minister Qu: “!!”

　　It felt like his face had been slapped several times in an instant. As it turned out, even as a minister, he really couldn’t avenge his grandson after all.

　　After all, the one who had “bullied” his grandson was His Majesty himself.

　　Thinking of that, Minister Qu’s expression twisted slightly.

　　Who would even believe the Emperor would go and bully a child like that?!

　　Senior Eunuch Feng smiled and said, “Minister Qu, your little grandson is quite lively. His Majesty saw that he is bright and clever, so he has specially ordered that you send him to Chongzheng Academy to study. You must not let His Majesty’s expectations down.”    

　　Minister Qu replied respectfully, “Yes, I will not fail His Majesty’s grace.”

　　After Senior Eunuch Feng left, Minister Qu patted his grandson’s head. “Qingde, you will start your studies at Chongzheng Academy tomorrow.”

　　Chongzheng Academy was very famous throughout Da Liang Dynasty. On one hand, it housed a vast collection of books and scholarly works, including policy writings and memorials from respected officials. On the other hand, the academy’s teachers were extremely strict, and its rules were rigid. No students were allowed to bring servants or maids with them. Everything had to be done on their own.

　　Although the young master Qu was still young, he had already heard of Chongzheng Academy’s reputation. One of his older cousins had been sent there with high expectations from the family. When he returned during a break, not only had he lost a significant amount of weight, but he also spent every day buried in assignments given by the teachers, with no time left to play at all.

　　Thinking that he would soon have to live through the same kind of life, the young master Qu burst into loud wails.    

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